Post to the Host

Comments from the week of 04.21.24

Dear Garrison,

I can’t tell you how thrilled we were to see you again in Burlington. The last time we saw you here I think was in the early ’90s. We were 35 back then and we loved your storytelling, though if I remember right the show was American Radio and you were only telling stories about yourself and not the News from Lake Wobegon.

Tonight, we certainly enjoyed the skits and the music (oh boy, that harmonic player). The Cowboy one seemed a little off. Joking about being gay or trans just feels like you don’t get it. Because I’m such a huge fan and really love all your work, I hope it was okay to send this little note.

All the best and if you come back, we will be there!

Judy and Gary Mitchell

I don’t know what you mean by “get it” but I do notice that you don’t write your pronouns in parentheses under your names as many people feel required to do so maybe you don’t entirely get it either. As for Dusty and Lefty talking about partnership versus pardnership, the gay term versus the cowboy, I think it’s funny. Gay people are part of everyday American life and have been for many years and I don’t see the need to tiptoe around the subject. I have mentioned a nonbinary member of the Lake Wobegon Lutheran Church choir and I don’t think anyone was injured by that. GK

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Dear Garrison, 

No prude here, seriously, but want to give you a thought. We were at your show in Wilmington a month ago and heard your funny story about an old girlfriend who died, and you talked about your memories of a first kiss with her. I’ve heard the “wrestling” story a few times over the years, but you added a portion about her asking if you ever saw titties before and then she proceeded to show you and then you got to touch them. As a woman who grew up back in the fifties, no girl of fifteen or so would have used that term. That’s what boys said. A girl likely would have said, “I bet you have never seen these,” and she might have opened her blouse or maybe said breasts or bazookas. Titties was a crass term used by boys. This story had a wonderful way of bringing it around to talking at the funeral. Wonderful. 

Susan P.

I will yield to you on this matter, Susan. I recall girl classmates using the word — they certainly didn’t say boobs or breasts but it was a long time ago. GK

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Dear Mr. Keillor,

I began listening to your show 44 years ago, raised my kids with it and have since enjoyed three of your 50th anniversary shows, with the most recent in my now home, State of Vermont. Thank you for your wonderful show and for keeping the simpler ways of enjoying life front and center. I am writing to let you know that I almost called out from my seat when you spoke about the damage to the Statute of the Unknown Norwegian, especially the possibility of having it repaired using emergency Pandemic funding. As an active educator and steward of some of those funds, please make sure that your town applies using the designated criteria of “prepare, respond or prevent a pandemic” when applying. I am sure you/your town can come up with something that might still qualify!

Sincerely yours,

Kevin Doering
Randolph Center, VT

The statue was a landmark and landmarks can be useful in a pandemic. There’s no place like home when you’re not feeling well. GK

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GK,

Each spring I want to hear The Ballad of Bombo Rivera. I probably haven’t heard it in over 30 years. It is nowhere on the internet.

Can you load the ballad onto your website content?

Minnesota Twins Fan from the Left Field Bleachers
Home Run Balls Caught:
Harmon Killebrew’s 573rd & LAST CAREER HR
Steve Brye’s 22nd HR
Toby Harrah’s 69th HR
Richie Zisk’s 98th HR 

I spent a lot of time talking to the left fielders from both teams.

Thomas Brokl (retired)
Pensacola, Florida

Here’s the chorus, Thomas.

Bombo, Bombo, Bombo Rivera,
What other guys just get one of
Bombo, he gets a pair a.
It takes two to tango and two to mambo,
But you can do it all with just one Bombo,
Bombo Rivera will carry us to victory.

And the second verse:

Well, all of the men love Bombo
Cause he’s a guy who came to play,
And all the women love him
Cause his name ends in E – R – A.
You can have apple pie,
You can take my mom,
We’re gonna win the flag
Cause we got the bomb,
Yes, Bombo Rivera, Bombo is his name.

GK

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Sir:

Last night in Burlington you recited a beautiful bit of poetry in the context of the funeral story. Maybe Shakespeare? I’d like to go back and read it — a wonderful evening for us. Thank you.

Bob Muller

I did Shakespeare’s Sonnet No. 29 and also a little bit of “Ya Got Trouble” from Meredith Willson’s “The Music Man.” Take your pick. GK

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Garrison,

You are amazing.

My wife and I attended the PHC 50^th Anniversary show at Strathmore on April 18th. We were both blown away by the show and the fact that you did the whole thing without notes is almost beyond belief. Keep it up. We’re looking forward to your next show in the D.C. area.

Paul Krumhaus

Annandale, Virginia

There’s no need for notes on paper so long as you’re telling the truth, Paul. Neither Mr. Trump nor I bother with a script, we just let it fly and it’s as true as we can be. GK

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Dear G.K.,

I recently tried out the preview copy of Copilot, an Artificial Intelligence (AI) program. I told it to “write a limerick like one that Garrison Keillor would write.”

Copilot responded:

“Here’s a limerick inspired by the style of Garrison Keillor.”

There once was a poet from Lake Wobegon,
Whose verses would ramble and then jog on.
He’d sit by the shore,
With stories galore,
And his words would float like a serene swan.

“I hope this captures the whimsical and reflective tone often found in Keillor’s storytelling. Enjoy!”

Well, I thought that one was a really poor imitation, and didn't even rhyme properly. So I pressed the area labeled:

“That’s lovely! Can you write another one?”

And Copilot responded:

“I’m glad you liked it! Here’s another limerick for you:”

In a town where the prairie winds blow,
Lived a man with a radio show.
He’d speak soft and slow,
In the sun’s gentle glow,
And the hearts of the listeners would grow.

“I hope this limerick brings a smile to your face, just as Garrison Keillor’s tales often do.”

Garrison, we are happy that you are keeping on keeping on, and we wish you many more years in which to do so!

Arthur Tanner

Bowie, Maryland

You’ve relieved my fears that AI might someday take over the world, Arthur. A bright ten-year-old could come up with better parodies than those. This AI stands for Abject Ignorance. GK

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Dear Mr. Keillor,
I’m a poet and priest who lives at 59th and 9th. I’d like to buy a personalized copy of Cheerfulness and receive it from your hand. Happy to meet you after services at St. Michael’s some Sunday or at H&H bagels for the pickup. I’ll bring cash.

I started listening to PHC when I was in Alaska in 1979 and TWA ever since 1990s. I start my morning with you then start my writing.

Thank you so very much for all that inspiration.
Blessings on your good work.
Frank

Frank, this is my first venture into personal retail sales and I need to figure out how to work it. I’m on the road this week so I won’t be at 10 a.m. service at St. Michael’s until May 12. I think I can remember to bring a copy of Cheerfulness to church, but I think it’d be unbecoming to perform a commercial transaction in the sanctuary, so I think it best if you just put something extra in the collection plate and I’ll sign the book after I say hello to Mother Kate and Mother Julie. Maybe this is the future of book sales for me: I’ll carry a tray of books on a harness slung round my neck and wear a cap with a flashing sign, GOOD BOOKS. And carry a credit-card reader. (And write shorter books so I don’t strain my back.) GK

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GK:

As a retired M.D., I had to chuckle at the neurologist describing your demeanor as “flat affect.” Having enjoyed your monologues for many years, I think a more accurate description might be “deadpan.” (Your low voice and deliberate way of speaking no doubt contributed.) And of course, would a Brethren from Minnesota display euphoria for all to see? Our standard medical lingo is so limited sometimes …

But at least you didn’t ruffle her feathers … I once had a colleague threaten to write “prophylactic slapping” in a particularly annoying patient’s admission orders!

Best,
Patricia McCormack

I guess I look flat, though I don’t feel flat. Jenny sometimes tells me, “Smile!” and it always makes me grin. She gets a kick out of it. But I continue to be awake, alert, and appropriate. GK

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You had to go to Minnesota to solve a Medicare problem? Not a medical problem, a bureaucratic Medicare problem? What???

Elizabeth Block

I did, indeed. Social Security can’t be dealt with online and the wait time on the phone is an hour. But I flew to Minnesota, found an SS office in the suburb of Bloomington, and found intelligent friendly persons to help me obtain Part B. I felt guilty about it because I read George Will’s column in the Post and he often inveighs against the SS and Medicare deficit, but I overcame my conscience and did the deed and now I’m part of the problem. GK

Pick up a copy of Cheerfulness, by Garrison Keillor. It’s written by a real live humorist, not AI!

CLICK HERE to buy now!