Post to the Host

Comments from the Week of 03.26.23

Hello, Garrison.

It is very nice to hear about NYC; I’ve only been there once in the past decade, arrived by train and walked the whole day crossing the city, into a portion of Central Park and over to Grand Central station.

My big “want” was to see and enjoy the High Line, however, it wasn’t a big draw for my friend, so I really missed its splendour, as I have been known to see in a documentary. With spring’s arrival, I can envision its beauty and peacefulness high up over the bustling streets below. Have you been there and sat on a bench to listen to music? 

Gail Fattore

Victoria, BC Canada

I walked the High Line once and felt sort of trapped as if a train might come along and run me down. I much prefer Central Park and the Reservoir and the musicians playing under the trees. It’s an urban paradise and thank goodness it retains its bad reputation from the Seventies and Eighties, which does reduce the traffic. GK

---

Hi, Garrison.

Reading your accounts of some of the times you felt euphoria made me stop and remember mine. I think the highest high I ever experienced was taking bows with the other cast members after a show made up of comedy skits written and performed by my fellow medical students. I had had virtually no experience with thespianism at that point but had written a skit for the show — I had a part in it, also, but another cast member’s character was intended to be the main source of humor. When the audience exploded into laughter at MY character’s actions … let’s just say receiving my diploma a few weeks later didn’t come close to the rush I felt on that stage. Ever since, I truly understand what drives comedians — there is nothing like making people laugh.

Pat McC.

Now you know why I’m still working, Pat. That’s exactly how I felt last Friday night in Grand Junction, Colorado. Too bad you went into medicine, a profession in which humor is banned. When you retire, you can start a new life. Good luck. GK

---

Dear Garrison,

My husband and I once had a Wobegonian experience — we truly felt like we had stepped inside a Lake Wobegon story. Your post The longer you live, the better it gets made me think back to that day, which included a most unfortunate typo in a funeral program.

On a bright September day, my husband and I drove my parents several hours away to my aunt Signe’s funeral. Signe had come to the U.S. as a young girl with her family from Norway, and they took up farming near Madison, Minnesota, where she later married my dad’s brother, Kenneth. Signe died at the age of 89 after 10 years in a nursing home and a lifetime of various ailments brought on by her hardscrabble life as a Midwestern farm wife.

The funeral was held in the chapel of the nursing home. We expected only a small gathering for the funeral since the peer group for any 89-year-old would likely be greatly reduced in size, so we were surprised when we discovered the chapel to be filled to its 60-person capacity. But we should have known — farming communities are close-knit, and Signe was a beloved member of that community. We greeted my uncle Kenneth, no longer the hale and hardy farmer I remembered, but a shrunken shadow of his former self, slumped in a wheelchair. Pinned to the upper left corner of his flannel shirt was a note that said, “Good ear, good eye.” My immediate reaction was sadness at the indignities of old age, but then I realized the practicality of the message and crossed to his left side to give my condolences in his good ear.

Signe had decided to be cremated, and a lovely ivory urn served as the container for her remains. We were seated for the service and began to look at the funeral program that provided the requisite biographical information for Signe. And it was then that my husband and I noticed a most unfortunate typo. On the program cover, in bold print under the words Funeral Service For, was not the name Signe, but “Singe” … yes, Singe … for a woman who had been cremated. We struggled to suppress our laughter. I like to think that Signe would have found it funny, too; she had a good sense of humor, and her boisterous laugh is one of my most enduring memories of her.

After the service, we moved to the back of the chapel for refreshments. The table was laden with the usual church ladies’ offerings — ham salad on white buns, a patchwork of assorted cake squares, and coffee the color of tea. I didn’t know anyone there besides my uncle and a few cousins, but soon an elderly lady approached me to say she had grown up on a farm near my dad’s family farm and had met me several times when I was a child. She was living in a nursing home now, and although she could still drive, her shuffled step and hunched back made it clear that it wasn’t easy for her to get around. I told her that I was sorry we had to meet again under such sad circumstances.

“Oh that’s all right,” she replied. “It’s sad to come to a funeral, but it gives me a good reason to put my teeth in.”

My husband and I have told the story many times and used the adjective Wobegonian — we hope you approve. Perhaps we should start a petition to get the word added to the dictionary.

Beverly Harvey

Thanks for the story, Beverly, and if I write another Lake Wobegon novel, I’ll try to find a way to get a funeral in for an old Norwegian lady who was married to a Scotsman, Signe Burns. GK

---

Dear Mr. Keillor,

When you have the audience sing songs with you at your shows, do you flash the lyrics on a screen or does the audience somehow just know all the words?

Also, I have two suggestions for songs: How Great Thou Art and Que Será Será. I think they would sound just lovely sung by a full audience.

Thanks,

Dave

The crowd knows America, How Great Thou Art, Going to the Chapel, Surfer Girl, Working on the Railroad, Oh Susannah, It Is Well With My Soul, and dozens of others, and we sing a verse or chorus or each and keep moving, and people are amazed at how good they sound a cappella. If you had a pianist and a choir director, they’d sound dreadful and everyone would get pissed off, but with no direction, they’re fabulous. There is a lesson here. GK

---

Dear GK,

Like some of your friends, I’m one of those progressive Catholics who gets discouraged about things like male-only altars, but I get that Catholic sacraments have to do exactly what Jesus did, even though he lived in first century Palestine, and we live in the 21st century West. So if he got baptized in water, we get baptized in water, if he used oil to heal, we use oil to heal, if the Last Supper was grape wine and unleavened wheat, so is our Eucharist, if he said, “Let no man tear asunder …” we have to annul first marriages, and OMG if he said, “This is my BODY …” well, you get the idea.

So he chose to make twelve men the first twelve priests even though his women friends were all over the place, and that’s what Catholics still do, and that’s what you call “the legalism of the Roman Church.” But I get your wokeness, and I’m grateful that you graciously respond to my defense of Catholicism, especially because most of my woke friends, since I remain a Roman Catholic, have dropped me like a hot potato.

Your fan,

Maria

DeKalb, Illinois

I have several observant Catholic friends whom I love dearly. I’m an Episcopalian, a fallen catholic, and they accept that. I do hope that when you draw a crowd you bring enough food and don’t count on magic tricks. And if you go out in a boat in a storm, bring life preservers. GK

---

I am thinking you probably won’t get this. I have never written to anyone famous but as I sit and listen to the end of your book, That Time of Year, I felt compelled to tell you how much I have enjoyed listening to you read about your life. You have a voice of a soothing wave of calm (no matter what the subject is). When I am done with the book, I am going to miss that. I also watched your movie again and loved it. You give all of us something to relate to and a sense of a place to retreat to from this damn crazy world. Thank you for sharing your gift.

Wishing you well.

Sincerely,

Cathy Walker

Thanks for reading my book. You’re the only person who did who liked it, I think. And you’re the first person I’ve heard from in years who watched the movie. By gosh, maybe I wasn’t wasting my time. GK

Garrison,

How does one write an obituary for a grandson? I don’t think I could.

I remember so well the one you wrote. It was one of the most perfect and moving things I’ve ever read.

Phil in Minnesota

My grandson Frederick was a wonderful young man, cheerful, funny, very curious about nature, an animal lover, with an incredible memory. He retained everything he ever experienced or read. The world is poorer without him. His absence is still felt by his family. God have mercy. God keep him in His care. GK

---

Good afternoon, Mr. K.

I avidly read your words of wisdom, but today it was a post from your other fan that got the light bulb shining above my head.

You’d been having a sort of conversation about not reading Charles Dickens et al. and I agree with you. Older literature bores me to tears — so many words, so little time. But Michael Giltz’s comment in today’s Post to the Host about not starting with The Pickwick Papers made me sit up. That’s what I did! I got to page 2 and gave up. I might just try his suggestion of Great Expectations once I have ploughed my way through my TBR pile, both physical and electronic but it may take a while.

Just a suggestion: if you like concise, try Antarctica by Claire Keegan. It’s a book of short stories. Every word belongs and moves the narrative along. No wasted words there! (Disclaimer: I have no connection with the author or publishing house.)

With best wishes,

Lizzy Daw, United Kingdom

Thanks, Lizzy. I’m waiting for my Kindle to arrive and I’ll look up Claire Keegan in due course. GK

---

Garrison, 

Long ago, you had a show from the Mark Twain house and you asked a curator if there was any great, unread Twain novel, to which he answered, “No.” I’ve been stewing over this for many years, and there is one thing that I believe should be more widely read, though it’s a short story, not a novel: Captain Stormfield’s Visit to Heaven. It’s full of witty and insightful observations about humanity and its attempts to imagine the unimaginable. It also casts a light on our own biases to show that, in a greater context, what we belittle here on earth can be glorified in heaven.

Regards,

Peter M.

Thanks. I’ll put that on my list as soon as I’m done with Claire Keegan. GK

---

Dear Garrison,

Allow me to correct some misperceptions. The Nashville killer bought guns legally because Fed laws allowed it. HIPAA privacy laws kept her mental records shielded from the Federal gun background check. Those privacy laws should be amended to allow gun background checks to “see” mental patients who are red-flagged from owning guns. 

Second, the AR-15 fires the .223 Remington cartridge. If you looked at a picture of 100 common hunting cartridges, the .223 would be the smallest one. For years most states banned its use for big game because it lacked sufficient power. Before it was adopted for military use, its parent cartridge, the .222 Remington was used for benchrest target shooting. The point is, every hunting cartridge is more powerful than the .223. This isn’t my opinion; ballistics is math, and any ballistics chart will confirm these assertions. 

The Nashville killer could have been disarmed by amending the HIPAA privacy laws.

Clay Blasdel

Buffalo, New York

Thanks for the elucidation. I favor an outright ban of semi-automatic rifles like the AR-15. Hunting is in decline in this country — it’s just a plain fact — and no sportsman goes hunting with a machine gun. Politicians who turn their backs on this tragedy should be hurled out of office at the first opportunity. The violence in this country is insane and decent people need to do what needs to be done. GK

---

In Albuquerque, we invoke the name Bennie Hargrove with great reverence. Bennie tried to stop his friends who were being bullied, and was shot dead, at age 13, on a school playground, by a classmate. But the shooter’s dad explained that when he didn’t see the pistol on the kitchen counter, he assumed his wife had taken it. Imagine treating a deadly weapon so casually! We keep better tabs on our car keys. The just-adjourned New Mexico State Legislature passed a few bills to try and rein in some of this gun insanity, but it was over the vigorous objections of the Republicans, of course. Pardon my ranting, Mr. Keillor, but I feel the same frustration that you do. 

Thanks,

Duane Meneely

Albuquerque, New Mexico 

Dear Mr. Keillor,

I’ve been a fan of yours for years. I’ve also been a Republican for years. I may write your name on my ballot for president in 2024. I’m sick of the lame excuses on both sides of the political aisle. Of course, there are mental health issues that need to be dealt with! But we also have to stop the casual ownership of such deadly weapons; where do I sign up to support that ban!?!

Thanks for what you do to make America better.

Sincerely,

Tim Robison 

Don’t waste your vote, my friend. More people need to see that six-minute video of Nashville cops running, rifles drawn, through the school halls, to save the lives of good people from a maniac. This is not the country I thought I belonged to. GK

---

Dear Sir,

A university professor of mine used to play Lake Wobegon episodes to us from time to time. That’s when I got hooked and have since listened to quite a few of them on CDs or on the internet (as you wouldn’t find them on German radio).

A few weeks ago, I did a walk in a nature reserve close to my home in the city of Kassel (northern Hesse) and I found something which I thought might be interesting to you. I don’t know if Myrtle or Karl Krebsbach have ever been interested in genealogy but there it is: a small brook called Krebsbach just around the corner from my home. So if the Krebsbachs are interested to explore their family history further please kindly pass on these maps to them (or is it another Krebsbach that they are named after?). And should any of their family or indeed you yourself ever come near my place, please let me know so that I can show you the “Bach” or invite you over for a cup of coffee.

Sincerely,

Olaf Dellit

Kassel, Germany

P.S. Please excuse any mistakes I might have made, I am not a native speaker.

Your English is excellent, Olaf, and thanks for the note. The Germans of Lake Wobegon were primarily from Bavaria and they suffered a good deal of social ostracism during the two world wars against Germany and as a result they didn’t take the same pride in their ethnic origins as we Scots and Anglos do. Many of them changed their names, some Krebsbachs became Brookses. My wife, Jenny, wants to go to Berlin and Vienna to hear music and see the sights and when we do, I will keep Kassel and Krebsbach in mind. GK