Post to the Host

Comments from the Week of 02.19.23

Has Garrison ever been to The Concord resort in New York’s Catskill Mountains? Back in the early ’90s I was there for a convention and saw either him or his twin walk by. It was one of those “That can’t be who I think it is!” moments.

Rich Klingman
Norwich, New York

You were right, Rich, it couldn’t be because it wasn’t, and now you leave me with the problem of tracking down my lost twin brother and trying to figure out why my parents gave him up for adoption. Or was I given up for adoption and grew up in a fundamentalist Christian family when actually I was Jewish? I’d like to know but there’s nobody left to ask, they’re all gone away to the Promised Land. You’re giving me an idea for a novel, Rich. An old man has a heart operation in which a pig valve is substituted for his faulty mitral valve and his body rejects it and a DNA test shows that he is a Sephardic Jew, not an evangelical Protestant, and gigantic computers trace his genetic makeup to the lost twin brother, Michael Bloomberg, who invests millions of dollars in developing a beautiful porcelain valve that works so well, I become youthful and very intelligent, so much so that I run a successful campaign to elect him president. Thanks. GK

---

Garrison,

In a recent Post to the Host, a reader said that in England they use utensils wrong, knife in the right hand, fork in the left. But wait a second! That’s how I use them too! I’m right-handed and I need the knife (which does the cutting) in that hand, and I hold the meat with my fork in my left hand. When I’m done cutting, I place the knife on the plate and switch the fork with the meat on it to my right hand and then eat it. Repeat until full.

How do you do it?

Bob Sassone

I’m right-handed but I hold the fork in my left hand to eat. I grew up in a large family and my siblings had a habit of filching food from each other so I left my right hand free to fend them off, sometimes holding the knife in it to show them I was serious. GK

---

Garrison,

How have your feelings about California changed through the years?

As you are aware, it’s a big state (some would say too big) that engenders no shortage of antipathy from beyond our borders. We also have an urban vs. rural schism here that mirrors the national tension.

There are many corners of California that reside well within the parameters of the Lake Wobegon sensibility.

There is no black and white here, just multiple shades of nuance that are constantly trampled on by trite and hackneyed characterizations.

Despite regular pronouncements of our imminent demise, we carry on, aware of our outsized reputation but satisfied in the knowledge that much of what we believe and advocate for is eventually adopted by the nation.

I hope you will be in Northern California sometime soon.

Sincerely,
Gary

I didn’t know I needed to have feelings about California but I easily accept your description of its variety of shades and its resilience in the face of earthquake and wildfires and drought. I don’t think you should be too confident about California being the national cultural force. There is a strong conservative tide that didn’t originate in California and regional and generational divides that don’t come from there either. The one cultural force that originates in L.A. is the TV industry, the entertainment end of it, and I don’t see it as having any real lasting influence at all. People watch TV mainly to take their minds off other things, which is their perfect right but I don’t think mindlessness is all that powerful. I’ve always enjoyed going to California and running into interesting people, but you find them other places as well. GK

---

Mr. Keillor,

Ten days ago, I was at an Indian restaurant in Lexington, Kentucky, on Valentine’s Day, alone. And I was happy as happy could be!! I’d just worked out this mathematics of voting problems I’d been working on for years.

But then I see in front of me a man in his 60s (I’m 34 now), sitting by himself at a table set for four, reading a newspaper ... alone.

To my left, there’s a couple sitting and talking, who seem very unhappy and I feel sorry for them.

And then to my right, three women in their 20s who spent half the meal chattering about the food and the rest staring at their phones.

I feel I’m being offered a choice, but all the choices are terrible. And this got me thinking:

When does happy solitude stop being happy? Is it better to be a bachelor or divorced? I’ve got a life mission. How do I find a partner without giving up that mission?

Jon

You’re in the wrong restaurant. Anyway, nobody finds love in a restaurant unless you’ve made a date to meet someone there. Romance begins with conversation and you need to find someone who has their own life mission or is vitally interested in yours. Romance can break your heart, for sure, but I don’t think we’re meant to live alone. What you don’t mention is any previous romantic experience. If, at 34, you haven’t had any, then what you’re feeling is probably just trepidation, like that of a person standing at the door of a house where a big party is in progress. You hear the laughing and music and you hesitate to walk in. I say, walk in. Life is meant to be experienced, not just observed. GK

---

Mr. Keillor,

I can only hope you were being sarcastic when you wrote, “Senator Scott of Florida had a good point when he suggested cutting back on Social Security and Medicare. Why should our tax dollars go to subsidize inertia?” Those of us in our 70s earned this right to receive these benefits; we paid those tax dollars ourselves. I worked hard for over 45 years, and if I want to sit in the sun in Florida and enjoy what time I have left, I should be able to do this without wealthy white men telling me that I don’t deserve this, or to insinuate that I’m lazy. I suspect that the folks making decisions about this have no clue what it means to work from paycheck to paycheck; they’re all like Trump and Biden who have their fancy sports cars and mansions worth millions (for the record, I’m a Democrat). I hope you were just trying to be funny, but it sure sparked my anger. Maybe that was your point; you wanted to get us all riled up.

Cynthia Ferriere

I respect your anger and thank you for expressing it so succinctly. I was being ironical but apparently it didn’t land right. Senator Scott, like some other Republicans, raised questions about SS and Medicare because they see a budget crisis ahead, when our descendants will find themselves under a crushing mountain of debt. The elderly population, thanks to excellent health care, rises steadily and the cost of living rises, and the benefits far outweigh the contributions you and I made, and the burden falls on the young. But Senator Scott and the other skeptics quickly saw that SS and Medicare are sacrosanct and they made a U-turn. I am an old Democrat and was amused by their turnaround but I offended you and many others, which is not my purpose here, and I deserved a good slap in the face and you gave me one. All the best to you. GK

---

Garrison,

In your Post to the Host from the week of 12-25-22, you said you would think about doing another show here in Madison, Wisconsin. Now that you have had time to think about it, what do you think?

I also attended the show that you did here in respect to your brother who perished in an ice-skating accident. The show was great. I will always have on my regret list that I never made it to your show at the Fitzgerald Theater in Minneapolis.

Tom Pedretti
Mount Horeb, Wisconsin

I’ve been having a lot of fun traveling around doing shows again, now that people feel somewhat more comfortable about sitting cheek-to-jowl in rows of seats. I did Florida, Tennessee, and Kentucky last week, and in each place I found audiences that enjoyed singing with me a cappella the old songs that we’ve failed to pass on tour grandchildren. Some very rousing Battle Hymns and old doo-wop and hits from the Sixties, and I did some octogenarian stand-up and of course the News from Lake Wobegon. I’m only in it to have a good time and I think I’ll do it for another year or two and then gracefully disappear into the dim mists. GK

---

GK,

I’m sorry you missed the big snowstorm. This morning, in typical fashion after Minnesota blizzards, the sun is shining, and the sky is a bright blue (though it is below 0 degrees). Sitting in my house after having shoveled out the driveway, I’m able to sit in front of my fireplace and drink hot chocolate. I do think about the homeless and wonder how they’re getting along in all of this. Yet I am always hesitant to give out money when I see them holding their cardboard signs at the intersections here, because I suspect they’re probably going to spend it on alcohol or drugs, and perhaps they’re not homeless at all. How does this work in New York City? Are people generous with those who panhandle? Do you personally hand out money to them, or do you walk by and avoid eye contact?

Shellie K.

Maplewood, Minnesota

I give to elderly panhandlers or to persons with an obvious physical liability. I give to some on the subway who enter a car and have a few minutes to give their spiel and I reward good spiels. I don’t run into as many panhandlers on the streets as I used to see and I’m supposing that they’ve found housing somewhere or simply moved on. I donate to soup kitchens and a couple of relief organizations. Like you, I think that addiction is an aspect of homelessness that resists our charity. There are dark holes in the world that people fall into and there are only so many rescuers. GK

---

Sir,

I understand you prefer a cappella singing, that you think the organ or piano can drown out the singers. Well, sir, have you been to a sparsely attended church where people are too shy to sing out? Or the singer that sings out next to you is so out of tune, the song becomes a train wreck? There are good keyboard players that know how to accompany without becoming a showpiece. 

Maggie

There are good players indeed and one is the organist at my Episcopal church, Brother John Cantrell. It’s a singing congregation and that’s one thing I love about it. What I love about an audience singing a cappella is the astonishment of the audience at how good they sound. In Frankfort, Kentucky, last Friday night, a crowd of Kentucky Democrats was very moved at their singing of “America” and “How Great Thou Art” and “It Is Well With My Soul” — many of them, I’m sure, aren’t church regulars, but without a keyboard the audience harmonies are awesome. Adding a keyboard would be like making a runner use a walker. GK

---

Since first hearing your poetry recitations on your MPR morning show in the fall of 1976, I’d hoped to hear you read the late Richard Wilbur’s “The Juggler.” With concern that time might be getting short for fulfillment of this wish, I take the bold step of asking. 

Wilbur’s birthday, March 1, would be an especially appropriate date for the desired reading.

In gratitude, I’ll call your attention to Wilbur’s “A Black Birch in Winter” and “Hamlen Brook,” soul-nourishing poems.

JJS

Ah, if only. I don’t do The Writer’s Almanac anymore. After NPR canceled it, there simply was no money for production. GK

---

Mr. Keillor,

I’m wondering when your next book about living a cheerful life will be published. Are you still working on it? I hope you’re feeling cheerful about it.

Megan

I’m working on it, Megan, and it’s shaping up nicely. It exhorts people to focus on cheerfulness as a smart strategic choice. I spoke the other night to an old friend who is beset with troubles but who maintains a forward-looking good-humored hopefulness and I admire that. Unfortunately, it won’t be read by the people who need to, people in their twenties who, according to surveys, are having to deal with loneliness, depression, and despair. But I’m happy about writing it. I think it’s a useful book. I expect it to come out in May. I love the cover: a young woman holding a bunch of bright balloons looks across the Hudson at the gray skyline of New York City. GK

---

GARRISON KEILLOR AT 80 with HEATHER MASSE and RICHARD DWORSKY

MARCH 2nd - FARGO THEATER - Fargo, ND TICKETS

MARCH 3rd- ORPHEUM THEATER - Sioux Falls, SD TICKETS

MARCH 4th - THE ADMIRAL - Omaha, NE TICKETS