Post to the Host

Comments from the Week of 05.28.23

I don’t oppose posting the Ten Commandments. Say what? If that was a joke, I missed it. If not, you can’t be serious. Establishment Clause … wall of separation … ring any bells? Hop off the crazy train. It’s only for Texans.

Clay Blasdel

Buffalo

“In God we trust” is on currency, prayers are said at official events, we’re a Judeo-Christian culture and it’s woven into the fabric of things. Public schools can’t teach American history cleansed of Christian references. I think posting the T.C. on classroom walls is a piece of political silliness but if they do it, well, it makes for interesting reading — “Thou shalt not bear false witness” is not a bad idea: a purely materialistic view of reality does not come down in favor of honesty, only of self-preservation. I’m in favor of doing what needs to be done to keep assault weapons out of the hands of wackos who go into schools and shoot little kids. Thou shalt not kill. Do that and I don’t care what you write on the wall so long as you don’t take the Lord’s name in vain. GK

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Your wonderful column on the Ten Commandments called me to pass this along.

The Golden Rule in several forms. My favorite is number four!

1.   We are all here on earth to help others; what on earth the others are here for I don’t know. — W. H. Auden

2.   What you do not want done to yourself, do not do to others. — Confucius

3.   Do unto others as you would have others do unto you. — The Bible

4.   “How should we treat others?” “There are no others.” — Ramana Maharshi

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Hello, GK.

Howard Mohr died this year, any thoughts or comments?

Eric

Spicer, Minnesota

Howard was an old friend who wrote a brilliant book, How To Talk Minnesotan. He lived in Cottonwood with his wife, Jody, and appeared on the show several times in the early days and I’m sorry we lost touch with each other. GK

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GK,

In response to your trashing of Texas for our state legislature’s attempt to inject some needed religion into our public schools, I suggest you pay more attention to the ninth commandment: Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor. First of all, the bill that called for the posting the Ten Commandments in our schools failed to get passed. The Texas Leg got bogged down in the indictments of our state’s goofball Attorney General and they had to deal with one of their most conservative Republican legislators who evidently broke the no adultery commandment by soliciting sex from one of his young legislative aides. Secondly, our state leaders were fixated on including an eleventh commandment to keep and bear AR-15s and they had to fund more border security in order to maintain our white, fundamentalist Christian dominance over the pagan Catholic invaders crossing the Rio Grande River. Lastly, even if the Leg had passed the bill to put the Ten Commandments in every classroom, our righteous Governor would have vetoed this because he is exclusively above the law when a jury in our state finds someone guilty of murder. So, please stop coveting our Lone Star ways of living under God’s guidance.

Felix Federstrom 

Ding Dong, Texas

I’ve said what I had to say about Texas, right or wrong, and I avoid further comment because I see that I am scheduled to do shows in Galveston and Austin next February and I have a policy of not insulting my hosts. GK

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Hello, Gary.

Cannot wait to see you again at the Big Top near Bayfield on August 27. We will have a group coming over from Duluth/Cloquet. What a packed schedule you have! Proof you cannot keep us old guys down.

Cheers,
Chris

Anoka Class of ‘59

It’s a favorite venue of mine, with the breeze off the lake and people shaded by canvas and the old guy can take his microphone and wander among the crowd and if I can remember the words to “On, Wisconsin” they’ll sing with me, or “God Bless America” or “In My Life,” but if I sing the Anoka High fight song, it’s going to be just you and me, pal. GK

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Mr. Keillor,

Friday’s column was great, right to the point. Perhaps there is one more thing you can add and that is that the Catholic and Lutheran arrangement of the Ten Commandments is slightly different from Episcopalian and most other denominations. So, which to use?

By the way, your column appears weekly in the Montevideo American. So far there are neither letters pro nor con, so it looks good. I think you may be reaching a new audience.

Much love,

Fred Lauritsen

The Commandment I’m focused on right now is the first one, “Thou shalt have no other gods before me,” which I interpret to mean, “Divest yourself of that which you treasure which comes between you and the Lord,” which I don’t quite know how to do but believe that life does lead in that direction. GK

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Garrison Keillor,

Reading your book Cheerfulness, brings me Joy, Blissfulness, Jubilation, Elation, Contentment, Gaiety, Glee, Triumph, Delight, Euphoria, etc., etc. Thank you for still writing. You bring such joy to my life, and I’m sure to many others.

Thank you,

Dawn Lehman, an appreciative reader

I had a good time writing the book, Dawn, and then I went to a recording studio and made an audio of it and I thought, “This isn’t bad.” I liked some of the convoluted sentences especially. I get a kick out of writing long winding sentences that keep twisting and turning, like the one I wrote this morning: I had my first bratwurst of the year Friday evening, during a thunderstorm on 48^th Street and Seventh Avenue, heading for a play, rain pouring down, the Broadway marquees lit up, billboards flashing, lightning overhead, and I stopped at a hot dog stand on the sidewalk, my sweetie holding an umbrella over my head, eight bucks for the brat. In journalism school and in my short-lived newspaper career, they tried to beat brevity into us and I am gradually getting free of that. GK

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Dear Garrison,

I have good news for you. Caesar salad does not trace its origins to Roman times but to the 1920s and a chef in California named Caesar Cardini who created the Caesar salad on July 4, 1924. At least that is what Google tells me this morning. So set aside any existential guilt and head out for a salad.

My children once had a Sunday school teacher that advised them that their souls were in peril if they ate devil’s food cake because it IS the Devil’s food. I imagine she lived in a world where the only appropriate cake was angel food cake.

Best wishes and enjoy the salad.
Larry Thomas
Sparta, Illinois

I don’t know what church your kids went to but my Brethren aunts took those things seriously too and they simply called it “chocolate cake” and left Satan out of it. GK

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Dear Garrison,

I’m remembering something from a long time ago. You had a series of sketches titled The Story of Gloria, starring Ivy Austin. The years have dimmed my memories of that ongoing story, but I do remember that I really enjoyed it. It was sweet, smart, funny, poignant.

Unfortunately, those stories have never made it to the internet. What can you tell us about The Story of Gloria, your memories of it and what inspired you to write it? And do those scripts still exist?

I also remember the theme song that went, in part, “here’s a long, lovely thought of you.”

Peter M.

Virginia

Peter, I’ve managed to stay out of the archives, but I’ll forward your note to David O’Neill who knows all about those early years. Ivy Austin was a star of the show in the early years, a New York actor who flew out to St. Paul and sang and acted and brought a genuine Broadway pizzazz to everything she did. Meanwhile, I keep putting the past behind me and looking forward, for better or worse. My wife is often astonished by things in the past that I’ve forgotten. Those PHC cruises, for example: I don’t remember a thing. I’ve forgotten most of the monologues and sketches, but I do remember every woman I ever sang duets with because those were favorite moments of the show for me. I think I sang “Till There Was You” once with Ivy. GK

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Garrison,

You have always been five years older than me. I was hoping to increase that gap, but it hasn’t worked out. I am following your journey into your 80s to see what awaits there for me. Whatever you do, please stay healthy — and keep writing.

Jack Mason

It’s been a good decade for me, thanks to American medicine and my wife who is ten years younger than you. A man needs a good critic on the premises, someone who can bring you down a notch, say, “What are you DOING?” who also has a sense of humor. I missed that when she was in Minneapolis and I was in New York for a month. I read her things I’ve written and if she laughs, I’m happy. GK

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Hi, Garrison.

Thank you for including that wonderful clip of Tina Turner. She was such a class act, along with being incredibly resilient and brave … truly an inspiration. I saw her in concert twice, one being at Live Aid in Philadelphia — I was back about ten rows from the stage, up on somebody’s shoulders, when she did a duet with Mick Jagger.

I hope when I am eighty, I too will be less dumb and less angry — something to aspire to.

Pat McC.

Eighty is too old to be angry, too old to take offense. I only have three people I’m angry at and I hope to get over it by the time I’m 85. I worry about the young Democrats of Minneapolis who still want to defund the police and I don’t want to live in their city anymore but I’m not angry about it. It’s a great city and they seem bent on destroying it but they’re the ones who’ll have to live with that, not me. I enjoy being a tourist in New York. GK

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Dear Garrison,

I just read your thoughtful exchange with Mr. Kurt Silvershield concerning institutional name changes owing to past historical deeds and, in quite a number of cases, I think Kurt is correct. Long ago, I spent most of my active-duty time in the Army as a young infantry officer at Fort Benning, Georgia. That base has just been renamed to Fort Moore, named after a courageous and persistent military widow who wished more respectful treatment for widowed spouses and family members of fallen military in notifying them of the fallen soldiers’ deaths. She succeeded, and such tragic news is now presented with more dignity and compassion and, in many cases, with local military funerals conducted by honor guards sent by the Army.

Fort Benning was and is a revered Army base in training soldiers for warfare. It is home to the Army Infantry School, the Ranger School, the Airborne School, and now the Armor (tankers) School. Even during my orientation week there, I don’t recall any discussion of the base’s namesake, who turns out to be a Georgia Confederate Brigadier General, named Henry Benning. Never gave the name a thought. It just seemed “Benning” sounded right and crisp for such an important military post. Similar thoughts, no doubt, apply to Fort Bragg and other bases being renamed due to similar reasons. 

Henry Benning was a militant proponent for secession while a Georgia judge, and a vigorous defender of slavery. He became, quite simply, an indisputable traitor to the United States. In my view, no U.S. Army base should be named after a traitor, and that includes Robert E. Lee. I have noticed we have no base named Fort Benedict Arnold despite his early heroic role in the American Revolution, predating his traitorous betrayal to help the British. At least he had a heroic beginning. Benning was a traitor from the get-go.

Now, I’ll get back to cheerfulness and take a warm bike ride.

All the Best,

Don Paul

Buffalo, NY

Thanks for the history lesson, sir. That’s a wonderful story about the naming of Fort Moore for a military widow. It speaks well for the U.S. Army to have carried out the change. GK

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Songs of the Cat — if there should ever be another, may I suggest “Both Sides Now?”

Rows and flows of loosened hair
And vomit on the second stair
And catnip mousies everywhere
I’ve looked at cats that way

But then they lie and soak the sun
They purr and mew at everyone
They snuggle when the day is done
But cats get in the way

I’ve looked at cats from both sides now
Their heads, their butts and still somehow
Despite the things that I recall,
I really don’t know cats at all

Karen Rouda

Good to hear from another parodist and a parody of that stupid Joni Mitchell song makes my day. Thanks. GK

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