Post to the Host

Comments from the Week of 11.27.22

Dear Mr. Keillor,

(I was taught that addressing someone by their first name is too familiar until you know them well. Although because you came into our home for so many years, I feel that I do know you well.)

This was probably the most disastrous Thanksgiving I have had in many years. The daughter that lives nearby wanted to host Thanksgiving at her home but called that morning to report her older daughter had a fever, and that her mother-in-law had COVID, so the celebration was canceled. We opted to visit some old friends and learned their beagle had been attacked by a gang of coyotes (he managed to survive … barely). But we did manage to enjoy a couple of Bloody Marys from a recipe that we created 40-plus years ago.

I read the grace you posted today:

Be present at our table, Lord,

Be here and everywhere adored.

Thy children bless and grant that we

May feast in paradise with thee.

For as long as I can remember our family has sung the last four lines at Thanksgiving to the tune of the Doxology. My father sang bass, the other parts were scattered around the table (except for my mother who couldn’t carry a tune). Our four kids grew up singing it, also, so it filled my heart on a day I was feeling a little sorry for myself. Thank you for saving what was a pretty terrible holiday.

JSM

Bloody Mary Recipe (1982)

• 2 cups tomato juice

• ½ cup water

• ½ cup lemon juice (or more)

• 2 Tbsp Worcestershire

• ½ tsp season salt

• ¼ tsp each: salt, pepper, celery salt, garlic powder, & onion powder

• Tabasco to taste

Serve to friends over ice with a stalk of celery

Glad to hear you feel thankful even though the day was somewhat fractured. My family went to a fancy New York restaurant and made the mistake of ordering a turkey dinner and it was the most I ever paid for a mediocre meal. I haven’t tasted a Bloody Mary in twenty years but this looks like a fine recipe (rather heavy on the lemon juice, but okay) and if I can remember to pick up tomato juice at the grocery, I’ll try it. GK

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Dear Garrison,

I’m so glad that you are bringing your show back to the Uptown Theater in Kansas City on February 8, 2023.

The Uptown was built in 1928. It was made to look like a Mediterranean courtyard with statues on the side and twinkling stars in the sky (ceiling). The unknown Bob Hope played there in 1928. As a kid I went there to see movies. You’d buy a Holloway “Slo Poke” candy, which would last through the cartoons, shorts, and main feature.

It reverted from a motion picture theater back to a theater in the 1970s. I saw Count Basie, Ricky Nelson, and Roy Rogers there. I’m so glad you are coming back.

Monsignor Bob Murphy

Glad that K.C. fit into our February tour. The Midwest is home territory and the audiences are ever ready to sing “America” when prompted, or “Working on the Railroad,” or “Swing Low,” or whatever comes to mind. I am planning to sing “The Frozen Logger” myself and see where that leads, maybe to reminiscence about winter back before global warming. It was fierce. GK

Editor’s note: For Tickets, CLICK HERE

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Garrison,

Especially enjoyed your American Revival show from Town Hall Saturday night, which my wife and I live-streamed from home. The audience sing-along reminded me of a Farewell Tour sing-along in Ocean Grove, New Jersey, several years ago where you sang Methodist hymns side by side with the audience. I took pictures at that show, which I am including. Fond memories. Please come back to Ocean Grove if you can.
https://kennethhoffman.smugmug.com/Garrison-Keillor/

Kenneth Hoffman

I loved Ocean Grove, the old Methodist summer colony, and that gorgeous tabernacle, but I’m afraid it’s too big for us these days. Prairie Home used to be a major act and now it’s dwindled to 1,000-seaters and soon I’ll be playing in basement clubs. Ocean Grove felt like a 5,000-seat house. Magnificent to hear that audience sing “How Great Thou Art” and “It Is Well With My Soul.” GK

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GK,

In your recent column, you said that Minnesota women don’t talk to strange men. It may be true that many of us are justifiably cautious these days, but I’m not sure it has anything to do with being a woman from Minnesota. Don’t generalize us, mister. I talk to just about anyone unless I think they’re going to hurt me. 

Anyway, before boarding a flight early on Thanksgiving Day, I stopped at Starbucks to buy a cup of coffee and noticed a pilot in line behind me (he was what I like to refer to as a nice, tall drink of water, if you get my drift). I started chatting with him and told him I was sorry he had to work on Thanksgiving and that I’d like to buy him his coffee. He asked where I was going, and then he told me that he was flying my plane. He was most grateful for the cup of coffee and I was most grateful for a pilot who was wide awake. 

I was happy to be a Minnesota woman talking to a stranger, though not a strange man, thankfully. I arrived safely at my destination. 

Margaret

Margaret, when writing in a short form (750 words) and in a (one hopes) humorous vein, a person does generalize. There isn’t room for charts and graphs about the rate of social interaction by Minnesota women when confronted by a man. I sat in the airport for a couple hours and that woman was the only person who talked to me and the woman who sat next to me on the flight said not a word, though she did turn on my overhead light when I couldn’t figure it out. Thanks for the note. GK

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Mr. Keillor,

I was at your Town Hall show last weekend, and I mostly enjoyed it, but when you used that foul language in those dirty limericks, I was taken aback and now my image of you is shattered. Do you really need to stoop to that level? You can be funny without the shock value. I’m astounded at what some people think is funny these days. Tsk, Tsk. 

Jan

I quoted the Young Man of Madras limerick because it made me laugh hard when I was twelve though I was a good Sanctified Brethren boy and knew it was wrong. Laughter is involuntary. The audience laughed hard at the limerick. My point was made. If you try to find puritanical humorists, I’m sure you can find some. GK

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Garrison, my dear,

You write frequently about being an old man. Doesn’t your wife get tired of you mentioning this all the time? Or maybe you just do this to your readers. Stop obsessing over it. 

Sharon H. 

I don’t feel obsessive about it. I simply find it interesting that it turns out to be such a happy time of life and I feel I should pass this on to younger people who dread growing old. I’m only trying to be helpful. GK

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Hello, Mr. Keillor.

I hope this “letter” finds you well. I wanted to write to you to and thank you for your performance in Kent, Ohio. I have been a fan ever since seeing your movie about 15 years ago with my dad. I’m now 27 and I have a girlfriend who appreciates your humor as much as I do. We all loved your show.

Just before the show started, she told me that a gentleman approached her and said, “You made me lose a bet. I bet my friend I wasn’t going to see anyone under the age of 50 tonight, let alone someone in their early 20s.”

I wish you a Merry Christmas and a happy and healthy New Year.

Sincerely,
Samuel Weikart

My wife tells me that I talk too much about being old, that younger people don’t want to hear about it, and probably she’s right, but I enjoy being the age I am and find it fascinating. So what can one do? I am who I am. And the Fifties was fun and the Sixties too. It’s rather moving to hear my audience sing “In My Life” and “I Saw Her Standing There.” I think I did those in Kent, no? Did it seem odd to you? GK

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I’m not sure Garrison Keillor ranks with the greatest rhymers of the 20th century — Noel Coward, Cole Porter, Tom Lehrer, and a few others — but he’s up there. I love ”has he / jazzy” and ”sorry a / aria.” Why is there no Pulitzer for light verse? It’s so much fun for both reader and writer. And harder to do well than you might think.

May 2023 bring us before it has flown
What we would have wished for had we only known.

I plan to use that as the January Quote of the Month in the Toronto Quaker meeting newsletter. Garrison, I hope that’s okay.

Elizabeth Block

Toronto, Canada

You go right ahead, Ms. Block. I don’t need a prize for light verse; I once recited limericks for a half hour to the American Academy of Arts & Letters and Stephen Sondheim was in the crowd and complimented me on the whole deal. That’s the best prize there is. GK

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Dearest Mr. Keillor,

A friend sent me a story about an 80-year-old New York man running after a cab to retrieve his wallet — good story. She didn’t include the name of the author, but it sounded like you. My husband Joe and I moved from San Francisco to a little town in the redwoods, Willits, in 1987. Although I lived in NYC in my late teens and early 20s, then San Francisco, our first home here in Willits was a little cabin with no electricity and an outhouse. We lived there for ten years. Your radio show was one of the highlights of our week. We never missed it. My mother, age 101, was born and raised in northern Minnesota on a farm and so your stories meant all the more.

With sincere regard,

Bill Barksdale

That was me, sir. It was a four-block run, driven by the fear of coming home walletless and admitting to my wife that I’d left it on the seat of a cab. I am still feeling great relief. GK

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GK,

I’m glad someone likes snow. I don’t. Years ago, I spent two delightful weeks in Costa Rica as a volunteer on a turtle conservation project. Two of the PIs (Principal Investigators) were Costa Ricans, the third was a gringo. One day he said, in his fluent but gringo-accented Spanish, that for twenty-five years he had spent his winters in Costa Rica, his summers in his wife’s native North Carolina, and that if he never in his life saw snow again, “no me molesta.”

In the Quaker phrase, that friend speaks my mind.

Elizabeth Block

Toronto, Canada

I’ve heard that those Costa Rican turtles are carnivorous and can move very rapidly when hungry. We don’t have any such critters up in Minnesota, just deer and some moose, all of them vegans. GK

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GK,

I just got back from NYC, puppy-sitting for my daughter who sorta lives near you on E. 70th St. Saw two theater productions. Please go see Kimberly Akimbo at the Booth Theatre. It was very good, and I think you will like it a lot. Touches on many emotions and there is even some wordplay. Reviews have been very positive. If you don’t like it, I will pay for your ticket.

Really. 
Barry Bateman

My wife bought tickets to it and we’re going next week. I plan to like it, or at least sorta like it. GK

FOR TICKETS To the December 15 show in St. Louis OR to LIVESTREAM the event - CLICK HERE