72 Comments

What's wrong with living with raccoons? When I was a child I had one as a pet and he was a hoot. They have the personality of a dog and the dexterity of a monkey

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Good for you to stand up for raccoons. Where I'm from, however, their presence is a sign that a home's been abandoned.

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Around here, their presence is is a sign that the sweet corn in the garden is ready to pick . :)

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My wife and I are wildlife rehabilitators and annually we usually get up to 7 orphaned baby raccoons (eyes not open yet) in the spring. We raise them to adults and then release them in a far away place away from people. For the 5 months we have them they are an absolute joy and hilarious. Tremendously smart and for 20 years I have know that if you have a raccoon around, you own nothing. it is all theirs.

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Beautiful beautiful. The thought of absolute joy and hilarity. My wife feels the same way about foxes.

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Needless to say anytime you mentioned Raccoons in The News from Lake Wobegon or mentioned them in your books it brought a smile to my face.

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You'd have my vote! Your description of Joe's problem (or any lifelong politician's) is dead-on.

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However, there's the business people who have only their own interests, in mind (and possibly their supporters looking for handouts or power). I think we may have some in mind. At least there are some career politicians, like Joe Biden, who always tried to have public interest in mind.

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Thanks for those comments, Garrison, and good luck with your medical procedure.

Yes, they say that as long as there is life there is hope. I often think that the best part of my life has gone by. But I am not completely sure. We don't know what is coming in the future. It could be bigger and better than anything that I have experienced.

A note on fungi -- truffles are from fungi. Some people say that truffles are the "diamonds of the kitchen." So fungi cover a broad range from toenails to French kitchens.

A note on the Senate. Most of the work of being a Senator is in getting elected the first time. We are getting a new Senator and she just a few months ago won the republican primary. That means for practical purposes that she is elected since she has only token opposition from a Democrat in the general election. If she can serve her first six year term without messing up, then she is home free and will probably stay in the Senate as long as she wants to. We tend to elect our Senators for life.

Our other Senator is a former football coach who was also probably elected for life. Why would someone chose to be a Senator rather than a Big Name football coach? Surely there is much more honest money in coaching college (Auburn University) football than being a Senator.

You hit the nail on the head when you said that being a Senator is like being a professional Shriner. Who needs the aggravation? I like Joe, but Joe Biden's years in the Senate were poor training to be a good President.

I am delighted to hear that your shows are doing well and that you are going to the Town Hall in New York. I remember many good PHC shows on radio that came from the Town Hall. Any plans to do a show from the Fitzgerald theater?

The best answer to critics and naysayers is to be a success. So go on with your shows and continue the success.

Best wishes to one and all.

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Thanks for the encouraging words, Mr. Alabama. We have an interesting race in Minneapolis, trying to throw out an incumbent congresswoman, a Democrat, in favor of a much more responsible Democrat. Interesting..

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Pigs are very good at finding truffles, so Mr. Keillor's new mitral valve will have SUPER super powers. :)

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I am more interested in trifles than truffles, but we shall see.

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Candy truffles are great, especially dark chocolate.

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Garrison, I just had an echogram to check how the rest of my heart is doing (I'm on my 3rd pacemaker, Medtronic of course, for bradycardia). The rest of my heart , including the mitral valve, checks out fine, so at age 81, I don't need a valve job -- yet.

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You got my vote! As long as you keep telling stories and clarifying the truth for us.

Stories grounded in the "Big T" never grow old. Nor does experience. Long may you be the purveyor of both, Garrison!

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Mr. Keillor,

Does this mean you will start wallowing in self pity? Are you going to start grunting, or must I? Better to squeal.

Love,

d.

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Piggies don't wallow in self pity - they like mud baths!

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Sir- you absolutely would have my vote, those of my closest friends, and I believe all but one of my relations. The one relation and I have been estranged for about 7 years now. The first breach was when he came to visit some years ago and saw the Obama campaign sign on my lawn and then learned I was an active campaigner. It has only gotten worse over the years. Since he is not (and never has been, to my knowledge) gainfully employed, he may very well have been with the "patriots" on Jan. 6 but his name has not yet popped up in the news. Wishing you all the best with your procedure.

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Garrison Keillor 2024! We need bumper stickers!

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Those are some sneaky visual puns at the end there Garrison! Even for you! We'd love to have you for President. Or even for breakfast. Or just for a walk on the Community Trail. Your Presidence would surely drive away the evil fascists and wrong-doers world-wide, even as it has done in fictitious towns in Minnesota.

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His State of the Union addresses would be a lot of fun to watch, too. :)

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There is a big difference between you and sleepy Joe. While he has been in the senate since it was first founded and has been telling us fictional stories that long, his presence has done nothing for any of us. Whereas your fictional stories entertain us, fill us with joy and melancholy for a place we miss, that we've never been to and never existed. You tell us heartwarming stories of people who have lives like us, who have problems like us and who care about each other. Unlike fungus, pigs and Joe. Though good intentions may exist, fungus, pigs and Joe don't care.

Don't run for president, we like you and your stories. All my best to you as you endure your upcoming harpooning.

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Have you ever met a pig? They care! They're as affectionate as dogs... they just eat a lot more.

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Too harsh on Biden, unwarranted. Dou prefer 45?

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I prefer any conservative over the current resident.

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It's getting to be the exact opposite with me. I prefer the current US President over any conservative/Republican and will not vote for any of the latter.

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Well... we're all allowed to follow our own though process and I respect your decisions on the matter. We don't have to agree and that's the joy of being independent thinkers. Peace dude.

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You're too hard on Joe. He's signed some importantt legislation that makes important investments in the right places, too late to help the poor Dems in November but the impact will be real. And his fight for veterans' health care is a piece of integrity. Give the man a break.

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Maybe, but I'm critical of all politicians. Joe is an old man, who, if I'm being honest, just might be in over his head. I feel sorry for the guy. He should be relaxing in Boca on the beach in flip-flops with a metal detector in one hand and a margarita in the other. Just as there is an age minimum for that office, there should also be an age maximum.

As far as the legislations you speak of, I have seen nothing that will do good for the working man and woman, the obvious things that we face each day such as the cost of living (i.e. prices of everything).

With regard to veteran's care, EVERY president fails in this respect and no serious action is ever taken or is followed through. We have homeless vets and 17 vets committing suicide every day. Let's stop handing free everything to illegals and the lazy and turn that generosity to the men and woman who have served our nation. It is only right to do so. If Joe is serious about his fight for vet's health, I would like to see the media report on it and some actual action be taken.

Yeah I'm hard on Joe Mr. Keillor, we should be hard on every president, it keeps them on their toes...... we hope.

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I'm not sure where you get your news but it appears to be from a source that doesn't correct its own mistakes.

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Random sources, as I do not patronize any one source or media outlet. The nightly news bores me with their rhetoric and local news can barely get out of it's own way but is mildly entertaining. Therefore I am a channel flicker and as a result I'm am hit with a barrage of news stories with multiple sides that could paint Mother Theresa as a saint who smokes two packs of Camels a day, regularly drinks Jack with dinner, buys scratch off lottery tickets at some off-the-beaten-path convenience store with one of those Camels dangling from her lips, nightly yells at her TV while watching Rangers Hockey and once admitted to dating an appliance repairman named Ricky in Duluth. Needless to say, all of these media outlets just leave me wanting for Walter Cronkite and I ultimately change the channel to some show on Animal Planet. Animals aren't judgmental and frankly don't care what we think. Just ask my cat.

While not completely ill-informed, I do dabble in information, misinformation, disinformation, infomercials, WWII documentaries, conspiracy theories and that thing called "The Google". All in good fun of course.

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We’ve already had someone who had no experience in government or how to serve people and look who we ended up with in 2016. I’d rather have a Democrat any day who has served the people. And have you seen pictures of the previous guy golfing last week? That’s a strong, active man? At least Biden didn’t have to take a helicopter to the hospital when he had covid. And we didn’t have to spend almost a million dollars trying to make him better as we did for the previous guy. Yes, they spent almost one million dollars trying to make the previous guy better. Joe didn’t go to the hospital at all. Please stop with the negatives about Joe Biden when all he does is help us.

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Not only does DJT have a lousy swing, he cheats (just like public life and the rest of of his life).

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I have a hundred things to do before we drive 100 miles to an airport this morning, but I read your column anyway, and I'm so happy that I did. You touched all the bases of my unease, and I thank you.

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Best wishes for your upcoming procedure and thanks too from us out here who appreciate the sacrifice of the Iowa hog, and hogs over the years who've given so much in so many useful and delicious forms. Heal well! Be kind to the nurses especially, for it is they who really run the place!!

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Golly gee, Garrison K - If you get a hog heart you won't be kosher!

But be assured, I'm hoping for a successful surgery and a speedy and healthy recovery!

And I'm really enjoying your daily ramblings!

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Best of luck in the procedure. I love your take on it. Come out with super powers and use those powers to rescue us like so many comics tell.

Be Well and accept my best wishes.

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Pigs are noble beasts - your porcine mitral valve donor will do you good.

I vaguely remembered a quote about noble pigs, but couldn't remember where I saw it, so I went googling for it. I failed to find what I was looking for, but found this instead:

“A pig is a jolly companion,

Boar, sow, barrow, or gilt--

A pig is a pal, who'll boost your morale,

Though mountains may topple and tilt.

When they've blackballed, bamboozled, and burned you,

When they've turned on you, Tory and Whig,

Though you may be thrown over by Tabby or Rover,

You'll never go wrong with a pig, a pig,

You'll never go wrong with a pig!”

― Thomas Pynchon, Gravity's Rainbow

Good luck with your valve replacement - we'll all be cheering you on! :)

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Thanks for the Pynchon!!! Never read that book. Should I?

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You're very welcome. I haven't read it, either, but the pig poem is intriguing. I'll give it a try and let you know if I'd recommend it later. It's apparently about V2 rockets, so I'm curious about how the pigs worked their way into it.

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Sorry you have to have that surgery, but I think you’ll survive. In case you don’t, thanks for all the ideas and laughs and generally good feelings you’ve brought me for many years. 😘

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Go for it, Garrison! (And meanwhile, godspeed out of the hospital...)

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