My wife is from South Georgia and I'm from Long Island, NY and we spend many of our winters in the northeast corner of Florida. Here's some advice from me to a Yankee/Midwesterner like you. First, If you have a dog, don't let it off the leash near ANY body of water. The favorite food for Florida alligators?...Dog. Second, I'm not sure you're a seafood fan, but if you're not, become one NOW! Best. Seafood. Ever. If you can get 'em buy Mayport Jumbo Shrimp. (By the way the name of the local Minor League Baseball team out of Jacksonville is....."The Jumbo Shrimps") Third, try not to be put off by the all Trump signs in the yards. Mostly these are nice people, though they do have some peculiar political leanings. Ignore that and you'll have a great vacation.
Love it! Love it! Love it! Of course it's hyperbole, but there are so many things in there that ring true! The compulsive buying is an example! My ex had this thing about steak. It would look at him as it sat in the refrigerated meat section of the grocery store, winking at him "Canadian round steak from Alberta, SALE! SALE! SALE! 79 cents a pound!" The freezer compartment of the refrigerator couldn't tolerate his habit, so he bought an extra roomy stand-up freezer to accommodate his "prizes." What do you do with twenty steaks that are half a year old or more? They didn't have spousal court ordered conservatorships in my our day. There was one thing in our favor, though. At least we didn't live in Alberta!
As for going incognito in order to experience some of the "seamier" sides of life, I'm sorry to say this, but it seems to me you'd have trouble "looking the part!" When I used to walk the streets in the downtown section of Los Angeles, in the blocks where tiny stores would have tapes of "Los Lobos de Michoacán" blaring from loudspeakers, "down and out" panhandlers would be at least two or three to a block - each with his own "claimed" territory. You, dear host, are too tall. You look too well fed. You'd have trouble looking ill groomed - "seedy" enough. On the other hand, as a retired basketball player, arriving in town in your custom limousine, with a pre-hired gaggle of writers and photographers making a to-do over you - yes, you could try that one out! Personally, I might wonder what it would be like to be Madonna at her high point, but that's something strictly restricted to my imagination, too!
We Love You, Just The Way You Are! I guess you'll have to be stuck with that!
Probably one of the best columns you've written since I've started receiving your newsletter. Your publisher was right, you're a humorist and with this column you've solidified that fact. Now your job is to continue to listen, if only begrudgingly, to your wife and maintain the humor for your loyal readers. Leave the social issues to the people who think they know what they're talking about, we of a certain age, know better. Good job.
Many people say that they don't believe in global warming but all I can say is that in recent years we have not had very cold winters in Alabama. The coldest so far this Winter is 27 F and we have only been below freezing 5 or 6 times. The forecast for the next ten days does not give a low below 35.
But what I am getting around to is, there is no need for us in Alabama to go to Florida to get away from the cold (but some of our neighbors do) because there is not much cold to get away from. And I lived in Florida many years ago and I have seen Disney World and related attractions and don't want to see them again.
But while Garrison mentioned alligators, something that is much more dangerous are the Burmese Pythons which people say have taken over and eaten many of the small critters in southern Florida. These snakes can grow to be 20 feet in length and could easily swallow a small person so be careful. I have wondered if, with global warming, the pythons might make their way to Alabama some day. Maybe not soon.
People say that California is California is because down through the years, the dissatisfied people in the country all moved west and when they got to California, there was no where else to go. So many of the dissatisfied people ended up in California.
Something similar happened to Florida. Many people in the northern United States retired and moved to Florida to escape the cold and to "have fun" in their golden years. So Florida ended up with a lot of old, cranky people who are pretending to enjoy having nothing to do. At least that is one theory.
I actually have never understood people who move when they retire. Why would a person live all of his/her life in a community and around people they know, then when retirement comes, move away and go to live with strangers. I like seeing people that I know and going to stores and places that are familiar and where I know the people. Why leave the people I know to live in the land of the python and Disney World?
So, Garrison have fun but keep a careful watch for the pythons and alligators. Florida is a great place to visit. You could go to Key West and visit Sloppy Joe's. That was Hemingway's favorite bar. But since you have gone off alcohol maybe there is no need to go there.
Best wishes to one and all. I hope that Santa is good to everyone.
Lovely. Makes me miss Florida. And my ex, only a little, who was in desperate need of a conservatorship.
My wife is from South Georgia and I'm from Long Island, NY and we spend many of our winters in the northeast corner of Florida. Here's some advice from me to a Yankee/Midwesterner like you. First, If you have a dog, don't let it off the leash near ANY body of water. The favorite food for Florida alligators?...Dog. Second, I'm not sure you're a seafood fan, but if you're not, become one NOW! Best. Seafood. Ever. If you can get 'em buy Mayport Jumbo Shrimp. (By the way the name of the local Minor League Baseball team out of Jacksonville is....."The Jumbo Shrimps") Third, try not to be put off by the all Trump signs in the yards. Mostly these are nice people, though they do have some peculiar political leanings. Ignore that and you'll have a great vacation.
Love it! Love it! Love it! Of course it's hyperbole, but there are so many things in there that ring true! The compulsive buying is an example! My ex had this thing about steak. It would look at him as it sat in the refrigerated meat section of the grocery store, winking at him "Canadian round steak from Alberta, SALE! SALE! SALE! 79 cents a pound!" The freezer compartment of the refrigerator couldn't tolerate his habit, so he bought an extra roomy stand-up freezer to accommodate his "prizes." What do you do with twenty steaks that are half a year old or more? They didn't have spousal court ordered conservatorships in my our day. There was one thing in our favor, though. At least we didn't live in Alberta!
As for going incognito in order to experience some of the "seamier" sides of life, I'm sorry to say this, but it seems to me you'd have trouble "looking the part!" When I used to walk the streets in the downtown section of Los Angeles, in the blocks where tiny stores would have tapes of "Los Lobos de Michoacán" blaring from loudspeakers, "down and out" panhandlers would be at least two or three to a block - each with his own "claimed" territory. You, dear host, are too tall. You look too well fed. You'd have trouble looking ill groomed - "seedy" enough. On the other hand, as a retired basketball player, arriving in town in your custom limousine, with a pre-hired gaggle of writers and photographers making a to-do over you - yes, you could try that one out! Personally, I might wonder what it would be like to be Madonna at her high point, but that's something strictly restricted to my imagination, too!
We Love You, Just The Way You Are! I guess you'll have to be stuck with that!
Depressed? Hopeless? Agitated? Irony to the rescue. Thanks, Mr. Keillor.
Probably one of the best columns you've written since I've started receiving your newsletter. Your publisher was right, you're a humorist and with this column you've solidified that fact. Now your job is to continue to listen, if only begrudgingly, to your wife and maintain the humor for your loyal readers. Leave the social issues to the people who think they know what they're talking about, we of a certain age, know better. Good job.
Many people say that they don't believe in global warming but all I can say is that in recent years we have not had very cold winters in Alabama. The coldest so far this Winter is 27 F and we have only been below freezing 5 or 6 times. The forecast for the next ten days does not give a low below 35.
But what I am getting around to is, there is no need for us in Alabama to go to Florida to get away from the cold (but some of our neighbors do) because there is not much cold to get away from. And I lived in Florida many years ago and I have seen Disney World and related attractions and don't want to see them again.
But while Garrison mentioned alligators, something that is much more dangerous are the Burmese Pythons which people say have taken over and eaten many of the small critters in southern Florida. These snakes can grow to be 20 feet in length and could easily swallow a small person so be careful. I have wondered if, with global warming, the pythons might make their way to Alabama some day. Maybe not soon.
People say that California is California is because down through the years, the dissatisfied people in the country all moved west and when they got to California, there was no where else to go. So many of the dissatisfied people ended up in California.
Something similar happened to Florida. Many people in the northern United States retired and moved to Florida to escape the cold and to "have fun" in their golden years. So Florida ended up with a lot of old, cranky people who are pretending to enjoy having nothing to do. At least that is one theory.
I actually have never understood people who move when they retire. Why would a person live all of his/her life in a community and around people they know, then when retirement comes, move away and go to live with strangers. I like seeing people that I know and going to stores and places that are familiar and where I know the people. Why leave the people I know to live in the land of the python and Disney World?
So, Garrison have fun but keep a careful watch for the pythons and alligators. Florida is a great place to visit. You could go to Key West and visit Sloppy Joe's. That was Hemingway's favorite bar. But since you have gone off alcohol maybe there is no need to go there.
Best wishes to one and all. I hope that Santa is good to everyone.
Bermuda shorts and red flip-flops, Florida, there you go.