Can't resist this one, Garrison, although I probably should. I don't know that the Orange Man could get into a lotus position, and if he could, get back out of it again. Also a mindfulness class would require him to not talk.
I love to laugh with my morning cup of coffee. As the one in our household who usually has to say “what the hell, are you crazy,” I can now appreciate my role. Also, three cheers for introverts, my garden is full of adventure!
You write of your memorial after having been consumed by sharks. But what of the sharks who, by extension, may have come to their demise by wandering too far ashore to consume the detritus of the "peopled-world"?
One wonders if there, at some point in time, if there could be an "Ismael" survivor among the sharks as he (perhaps she) witnesses the swirling ship of state subsumed in the vortex of vanities to witness " a sullen white surf beat against its steep sides, then collapse" ...as "the great shroud of the sea rolled on as it rolled 5,000 years ago" - Moby Dick
My bride is a beach girl and she takes great pleasure in going there, sitting on the sand in a beach chair under an umbrella while listening to Kenny Chesney and occasionally goes in the water to cool off. She'll do this from 9 a.m. to 6 p.m. when the opportunity avails her.
I have never been a beach guy and the only time and I mean the ONLY time I get involved in that activity is when we go to the Florida Keys. The resort we go to has its own beach on the gulf side. The water is tepid and calm. I'll sit in the water on the sand with the water up to my chin under my bucket hat that says "Key West" on it. Once in a great while, a small sand shark less 4 feet long will swim by, maybe 20 feet or so away. People will point and snap a quick photo and then go back to minding the fresh water hose that has attracted the attention of a manatee who likes fresh water.
When I am sufficiently pruned, I'll return to the beach lounge chair, under the umbrella and read a book by Lance Armstrong or Alan Alda while my wife listens to Chesney.
Back in New Jersey, I never went to the beach and now here in North Carolina I likely won't go to the beach either. I've got other things to do, one of which is not to concern myself with sharks.
“ the Land Shark is considered the cleverest of all sharks. Unlike the Great White shark, which tends to inhabit the waters and harbors of recreational beach areas, the Land Shark may strike at any place, any time. It is capable of disguising its voice, and generally preys on young, single women.”
The column produced its own amusement AND dislodged that gem of a memory. A twofer!
The memorial service for someone eaten by sharks reminds me of the former Australian Prime Minister, Harold Holt, who went for a swim and was never seen again. Presumed dead of course, there were some theories that he might have been abducted by a Russian submarine - but why would they do that?
I prefer the outdoors to the indoors when the weather is fine, but recently was quite bored sitting on a boring beach.
I laughed out loud at today's post. Thanks, Garrison.
As a married woman, I really appreciate the nice things you say about wives and women in general. I must confess, I do live in Texas, and it is really hot here, in more ways than one. We hope to get rid of Abbott, and Patrick and Cruz and Paxton, but it will be no mean feat. Maybe you've seen the video by MAGA...Mothers Against Greg Abbott. It's getting a lot of play:
Can't resist this one, Garrison, although I probably should. I don't know that the Orange Man could get into a lotus position, and if he could, get back out of it again. Also a mindfulness class would require him to not talk.
My sister loves the ocean, but I prefer the woods. There are black bears in the woods, but they tend to be afraid of humans, so they're not as scary as sharks. Plus things like this don't happen in the woods: https://www.wcvb.com/article/new-video-whale-breaches-strikes-fishing-boat-manomet-point-plymouth-massachusetts/40734253
The first thing you would say upon meeting or being in the presence of God would be.......(for me would be ...thank you for my lady friend...) .....
Today’s post was really funny. Thank you
I love to laugh with my morning cup of coffee. As the one in our household who usually has to say “what the hell, are you crazy,” I can now appreciate my role. Also, three cheers for introverts, my garden is full of adventure!
You write of your memorial after having been consumed by sharks. But what of the sharks who, by extension, may have come to their demise by wandering too far ashore to consume the detritus of the "peopled-world"?
One wonders if there, at some point in time, if there could be an "Ismael" survivor among the sharks as he (perhaps she) witnesses the swirling ship of state subsumed in the vortex of vanities to witness " a sullen white surf beat against its steep sides, then collapse" ...as "the great shroud of the sea rolled on as it rolled 5,000 years ago" - Moby Dick
My bride is a beach girl and she takes great pleasure in going there, sitting on the sand in a beach chair under an umbrella while listening to Kenny Chesney and occasionally goes in the water to cool off. She'll do this from 9 a.m. to 6 p.m. when the opportunity avails her.
I have never been a beach guy and the only time and I mean the ONLY time I get involved in that activity is when we go to the Florida Keys. The resort we go to has its own beach on the gulf side. The water is tepid and calm. I'll sit in the water on the sand with the water up to my chin under my bucket hat that says "Key West" on it. Once in a great while, a small sand shark less 4 feet long will swim by, maybe 20 feet or so away. People will point and snap a quick photo and then go back to minding the fresh water hose that has attracted the attention of a manatee who likes fresh water.
When I am sufficiently pruned, I'll return to the beach lounge chair, under the umbrella and read a book by Lance Armstrong or Alan Alda while my wife listens to Chesney.
Back in New Jersey, I never went to the beach and now here in North Carolina I likely won't go to the beach either. I've got other things to do, one of which is not to concern myself with sharks.
“ the Land Shark is considered the cleverest of all sharks. Unlike the Great White shark, which tends to inhabit the waters and harbors of recreational beach areas, the Land Shark may strike at any place, any time. It is capable of disguising its voice, and generally preys on young, single women.”
The column produced its own amusement AND dislodged that gem of a memory. A twofer!
Would one have time to ask a shark 🦈 what pronoun it prefers before it tucks into one?
What about Stinson Beach? I recall that story so clearly. To read your disparaging take on beaches is a shock.
Oh, well. Good to know one can be shocking at 80. I have something to look forward to.
I would have to say if you were eaten by sharks you would probably be a very filling meal for them and tender meat at that. :)
You light up my life.
Why do you continue to outdo yourself!!! I'm supposed to be in mourning, but you have me laughing all day!!
Thanks! You made me laugh on this otherwise grim morning!
The memorial service for someone eaten by sharks reminds me of the former Australian Prime Minister, Harold Holt, who went for a swim and was never seen again. Presumed dead of course, there were some theories that he might have been abducted by a Russian submarine - but why would they do that?
I prefer the outdoors to the indoors when the weather is fine, but recently was quite bored sitting on a boring beach.
I laughed out loud at today's post. Thanks, Garrison.
As a married woman, I really appreciate the nice things you say about wives and women in general. I must confess, I do live in Texas, and it is really hot here, in more ways than one. We hope to get rid of Abbott, and Patrick and Cruz and Paxton, but it will be no mean feat. Maybe you've seen the video by MAGA...Mothers Against Greg Abbott. It's getting a lot of play:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lf1YxHpOvF4