Can't resist this one, Garrison, although I probably should. I don't know that the Orange Man could get into a lotus position, and if he could, get back out of it again. Also a mindfulness class would require him to not talk.
don't you need a mind to take a mindfulness class? trump is from a long line of politicians that have listened to all of their own speeches too many times and the slathering praise of their followers. but he has good taste in a wife. wait til you see her next husband.
There's something going on with the critters this summer - maybe the unusual heat is messing with their normal food sources? We've had the same bear visit our house four times so far. The first time he knocked down and ate up the thistle seeds from our bird feeder (the internet claims that bears do not like the bitter taste of thistle seeds - apparently this bear does not read the internet). The last three times he's just wandered around looking mournfully for the feeder, but doesn't touch anything, I assume hoping that we'd be foolish enough to put it back up. He seems harmless and runs off if he sees or hears any of the inhabitants of the house (human or canine), but I hope he doesn't end up getting himself into trouble with one of the neighbors.
In addition, my husband's critter cams have caught an unusually high number of critters this year, most just passing through, including a moose back in mid-May, several raccoons, a very cute, playful young skunk, a lone coyote, a couple of fisher cats, and several foxes (the coons, skunk, at least one of the fisher cats, and a couple of the foxes seem to be frequent flyers). I've no idea what's attracting them. Except for the thistle seed incident (the first time we'd tried to hang a feeder in over 15 years), we have nothing around here that these guys might consider attractive, other than peace and quiet. Maybe there's more logging than usual up in the woods? Hopefully they all find enough to eat, as well as a safe place to hang out for the winter...
Where do you live? I live om2.5 acres of a pine grove (15 other species) on a brook, just a block off Main St. in Orono ME. As is typical of most towns in Maine, I border a few houses and thick woods. I don't get bears every year and this year the bear was late, they usually come right after coming out of dens. A herd of does and yearling deer typically overnight in the winter on an unowned part of the brook bank just a half block off Main St. and "commute" up and down the brook. I haven't seen a fisher cat in a couple of years but he has been seen previously. I only saw the neighborhood red fox once, checking for varmints under the boulder in the back yard but maybe he's been here more often. Everyone agrees, bird sightings are way down. However, I did see a hermit thrush for the first time ever in late spring, gleaning my basement patio (usually heard -- beautiful -- not seen.)
I'm in central New Hampshire, on 12 acres (10 of them wooded) - our wooded section is contiguous with several neighboring sections, which in turn all abut the power lines and then connect up to the deep woods. We see bear and deer at the edges of our cleared area every year. The deer usually "prune" some of my plants in the spring, but by summer they stay out in the woods. This is the first year a bear has come up next to the house. It's also the first year I've seen a moose or fisher cat on the cleared section of our property.
I've noticed the insect count seems to be down - not as many mosquitoes and Japanese beetles, for example. I don't like to look a gift horse in the mouth, but I would think that a lower level of these pests would translate into fewer birds. The frogs and toads did not spawn as much this year, either, but the spring was way too cold until about June, when we were suddenly plunged into a heat wave. The swallows did not nest in the barn for the first time in ten years, though a pair did occupy one of the nestboxes. We've had a few hummingbirds, and a bunch of goldfinches, but the turkeys don't seem to be as plentiful as usual - only one hen with chicks made an appearance for one day and then disappeared. We usually have three or four mother turkeys raising their babies in our pasture, but this year only a bachelor flock of four toms has been visiting.
I think it's just the messed up weather at fault. I hope it's not permanent.
I love to laugh with my morning cup of coffee. As the one in our household who usually has to say “what the hell, are you crazy,” I can now appreciate my role. Also, three cheers for introverts, my garden is full of adventure!
You write of your memorial after having been consumed by sharks. But what of the sharks who, by extension, may have come to their demise by wandering too far ashore to consume the detritus of the "peopled-world"?
One wonders if there, at some point in time, if there could be an "Ismael" survivor among the sharks as he (perhaps she) witnesses the swirling ship of state subsumed in the vortex of vanities to witness " a sullen white surf beat against its steep sides, then collapse" ...as "the great shroud of the sea rolled on as it rolled 5,000 years ago" - Moby Dick
My bride is a beach girl and she takes great pleasure in going there, sitting on the sand in a beach chair under an umbrella while listening to Kenny Chesney and occasionally goes in the water to cool off. She'll do this from 9 a.m. to 6 p.m. when the opportunity avails her.
I have never been a beach guy and the only time and I mean the ONLY time I get involved in that activity is when we go to the Florida Keys. The resort we go to has its own beach on the gulf side. The water is tepid and calm. I'll sit in the water on the sand with the water up to my chin under my bucket hat that says "Key West" on it. Once in a great while, a small sand shark less 4 feet long will swim by, maybe 20 feet or so away. People will point and snap a quick photo and then go back to minding the fresh water hose that has attracted the attention of a manatee who likes fresh water.
When I am sufficiently pruned, I'll return to the beach lounge chair, under the umbrella and read a book by Lance Armstrong or Alan Alda while my wife listens to Chesney.
Back in New Jersey, I never went to the beach and now here in North Carolina I likely won't go to the beach either. I've got other things to do, one of which is not to concern myself with sharks.
“ the Land Shark is considered the cleverest of all sharks. Unlike the Great White shark, which tends to inhabit the waters and harbors of recreational beach areas, the Land Shark may strike at any place, any time. It is capable of disguising its voice, and generally preys on young, single women.”
The column produced its own amusement AND dislodged that gem of a memory. A twofer!
Wow, all caps, you must be upset! :) He said you were a "perfect" distraction, not a "mere" distraction, actually - and a perfect distraction can indeed be a source of healing.
The memorial service for someone eaten by sharks reminds me of the former Australian Prime Minister, Harold Holt, who went for a swim and was never seen again. Presumed dead of course, there were some theories that he might have been abducted by a Russian submarine - but why would they do that?
I prefer the outdoors to the indoors when the weather is fine, but recently was quite bored sitting on a boring beach.
I laughed out loud at today's post. Thanks, Garrison.
As a married woman, I really appreciate the nice things you say about wives and women in general. I must confess, I do live in Texas, and it is really hot here, in more ways than one. We hope to get rid of Abbott, and Patrick and Cruz and Paxton, but it will be no mean feat. Maybe you've seen the video by MAGA...Mothers Against Greg Abbott. It's getting a lot of play:
I'll second that--great video! The Texas "Republican" party's platform is pure lunacy. It really makes me think Democrats may have a chance there in November. I think the platform says that Texans should have the right to vote on whether they want Texas to be an independent country. When I first read that I thought it was the only part of the platform that I liked, but it would be much better if Texas turned blue instead. I'm looking forward to an era of Governor Beto O'Rourke and Governor Stacey Abrams and Governor John Fetterman.
Some of the libertarian Republicans tried to secede NH from the US in March. The majority of the NH House voted it down but the bill's supporters plan to keep trying. Strange times.
Ugh! Well, if the former liar-in-chief manages to get back into the White House and/or if the Supreme Court rules next term that state legislatures can overrule the will of voters, I think it will be time for a lot of states to consider secession . . . Let's hope nothing like that happens.
I'm impressed that you've heard of the Union-Leader! :) I am not worried about NH seceding, the libertarian Republicans in the NH House are a very tiny (if pesky) minority.
Can't resist this one, Garrison, although I probably should. I don't know that the Orange Man could get into a lotus position, and if he could, get back out of it again. Also a mindfulness class would require him to not talk.
The Orange Man taking a mindfulness class would be a good thing.
don't you need a mind to take a mindfulness class? trump is from a long line of politicians that have listened to all of their own speeches too many times and the slathering praise of their followers. but he has good taste in a wife. wait til you see her next husband.
My sister loves the ocean, but I prefer the woods. There are black bears in the woods, but they tend to be afraid of humans, so they're not as scary as sharks. Plus things like this don't happen in the woods: https://www.wcvb.com/article/new-video-whale-breaches-strikes-fishing-boat-manomet-point-plymouth-massachusetts/40734253
This Mainer of 18 years agrees with you. After a 5 years absence, a bear trashed my bird feeder hanging oof my screen porch. Sigh.
There's something going on with the critters this summer - maybe the unusual heat is messing with their normal food sources? We've had the same bear visit our house four times so far. The first time he knocked down and ate up the thistle seeds from our bird feeder (the internet claims that bears do not like the bitter taste of thistle seeds - apparently this bear does not read the internet). The last three times he's just wandered around looking mournfully for the feeder, but doesn't touch anything, I assume hoping that we'd be foolish enough to put it back up. He seems harmless and runs off if he sees or hears any of the inhabitants of the house (human or canine), but I hope he doesn't end up getting himself into trouble with one of the neighbors.
In addition, my husband's critter cams have caught an unusually high number of critters this year, most just passing through, including a moose back in mid-May, several raccoons, a very cute, playful young skunk, a lone coyote, a couple of fisher cats, and several foxes (the coons, skunk, at least one of the fisher cats, and a couple of the foxes seem to be frequent flyers). I've no idea what's attracting them. Except for the thistle seed incident (the first time we'd tried to hang a feeder in over 15 years), we have nothing around here that these guys might consider attractive, other than peace and quiet. Maybe there's more logging than usual up in the woods? Hopefully they all find enough to eat, as well as a safe place to hang out for the winter...
Where do you live? I live om2.5 acres of a pine grove (15 other species) on a brook, just a block off Main St. in Orono ME. As is typical of most towns in Maine, I border a few houses and thick woods. I don't get bears every year and this year the bear was late, they usually come right after coming out of dens. A herd of does and yearling deer typically overnight in the winter on an unowned part of the brook bank just a half block off Main St. and "commute" up and down the brook. I haven't seen a fisher cat in a couple of years but he has been seen previously. I only saw the neighborhood red fox once, checking for varmints under the boulder in the back yard but maybe he's been here more often. Everyone agrees, bird sightings are way down. However, I did see a hermit thrush for the first time ever in late spring, gleaning my basement patio (usually heard -- beautiful -- not seen.)
I'm in central New Hampshire, on 12 acres (10 of them wooded) - our wooded section is contiguous with several neighboring sections, which in turn all abut the power lines and then connect up to the deep woods. We see bear and deer at the edges of our cleared area every year. The deer usually "prune" some of my plants in the spring, but by summer they stay out in the woods. This is the first year a bear has come up next to the house. It's also the first year I've seen a moose or fisher cat on the cleared section of our property.
I've noticed the insect count seems to be down - not as many mosquitoes and Japanese beetles, for example. I don't like to look a gift horse in the mouth, but I would think that a lower level of these pests would translate into fewer birds. The frogs and toads did not spawn as much this year, either, but the spring was way too cold until about June, when we were suddenly plunged into a heat wave. The swallows did not nest in the barn for the first time in ten years, though a pair did occupy one of the nestboxes. We've had a few hummingbirds, and a bunch of goldfinches, but the turkeys don't seem to be as plentiful as usual - only one hen with chicks made an appearance for one day and then disappeared. We usually have three or four mother turkeys raising their babies in our pasture, but this year only a bachelor flock of four toms has been visiting.
I think it's just the messed up weather at fault. I hope it's not permanent.
The first thing you would say upon meeting or being in the presence of God would be.......(for me would be ...thank you for my lady friend...) .....
Today’s post was really funny. Thank you
I love to laugh with my morning cup of coffee. As the one in our household who usually has to say “what the hell, are you crazy,” I can now appreciate my role. Also, three cheers for introverts, my garden is full of adventure!
Hurray, hurray, hurray! 😊
This fellow introvert agrees with you.
You write of your memorial after having been consumed by sharks. But what of the sharks who, by extension, may have come to their demise by wandering too far ashore to consume the detritus of the "peopled-world"?
One wonders if there, at some point in time, if there could be an "Ismael" survivor among the sharks as he (perhaps she) witnesses the swirling ship of state subsumed in the vortex of vanities to witness " a sullen white surf beat against its steep sides, then collapse" ...as "the great shroud of the sea rolled on as it rolled 5,000 years ago" - Moby Dick
I love "subsumed in the vortex of vanities". Bravo.
thanks, Garrison. Your acknowledgement makes the day for one still finding his voice among such varied threads from Melville to Thomas and Tom Wolfe
My bride is a beach girl and she takes great pleasure in going there, sitting on the sand in a beach chair under an umbrella while listening to Kenny Chesney and occasionally goes in the water to cool off. She'll do this from 9 a.m. to 6 p.m. when the opportunity avails her.
I have never been a beach guy and the only time and I mean the ONLY time I get involved in that activity is when we go to the Florida Keys. The resort we go to has its own beach on the gulf side. The water is tepid and calm. I'll sit in the water on the sand with the water up to my chin under my bucket hat that says "Key West" on it. Once in a great while, a small sand shark less 4 feet long will swim by, maybe 20 feet or so away. People will point and snap a quick photo and then go back to minding the fresh water hose that has attracted the attention of a manatee who likes fresh water.
When I am sufficiently pruned, I'll return to the beach lounge chair, under the umbrella and read a book by Lance Armstrong or Alan Alda while my wife listens to Chesney.
Back in New Jersey, I never went to the beach and now here in North Carolina I likely won't go to the beach either. I've got other things to do, one of which is not to concern myself with sharks.
“ the Land Shark is considered the cleverest of all sharks. Unlike the Great White shark, which tends to inhabit the waters and harbors of recreational beach areas, the Land Shark may strike at any place, any time. It is capable of disguising its voice, and generally preys on young, single women.”
The column produced its own amusement AND dislodged that gem of a memory. A twofer!
You must be a classic SNL fan.
Would one have time to ask a shark 🦈 what pronoun it prefers before it tucks into one?
One would not. Sharks don't care about such things.
What about Stinson Beach? I recall that story so clearly. To read your disparaging take on beaches is a shock.
Oh, well. Good to know one can be shocking at 80. I have something to look forward to.
I would have to say if you were eaten by sharks you would probably be a very filling meal for them and tender meat at that. :)
You light up my life.
Why do you continue to outdo yourself!!! I'm supposed to be in mourning, but you have me laughing all day!!
It's okay to laugh when you're in mourning. In fact it's probably good for you.
Yes, it's just what I need! A perfect distraction!
ME? A MERE DISTRACTION? A MOMENT AGO I WAS A SOURCE OF HEALING.
Wow, all caps, you must be upset! :) He said you were a "perfect" distraction, not a "mere" distraction, actually - and a perfect distraction can indeed be a source of healing.
I withdraw my objection and take off my caps to him.
The same thing in this particular case!😂
God bless you.
Thanks! You made me laugh on this otherwise grim morning!
The memorial service for someone eaten by sharks reminds me of the former Australian Prime Minister, Harold Holt, who went for a swim and was never seen again. Presumed dead of course, there were some theories that he might have been abducted by a Russian submarine - but why would they do that?
I prefer the outdoors to the indoors when the weather is fine, but recently was quite bored sitting on a boring beach.
I laughed out loud at today's post. Thanks, Garrison.
As a married woman, I really appreciate the nice things you say about wives and women in general. I must confess, I do live in Texas, and it is really hot here, in more ways than one. We hope to get rid of Abbott, and Patrick and Cruz and Paxton, but it will be no mean feat. Maybe you've seen the video by MAGA...Mothers Against Greg Abbott. It's getting a lot of play:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Lf1YxHpOvF4
That is an awesome video. Thank you for sharing the link!
I'll second that--great video! The Texas "Republican" party's platform is pure lunacy. It really makes me think Democrats may have a chance there in November. I think the platform says that Texans should have the right to vote on whether they want Texas to be an independent country. When I first read that I thought it was the only part of the platform that I liked, but it would be much better if Texas turned blue instead. I'm looking forward to an era of Governor Beto O'Rourke and Governor Stacey Abrams and Governor John Fetterman.
Some of the libertarian Republicans tried to secede NH from the US in March. The majority of the NH House voted it down but the bill's supporters plan to keep trying. Strange times.
Ugh! Well, if the former liar-in-chief manages to get back into the White House and/or if the Supreme Court rules next term that state legislatures can overrule the will of voters, I think it will be time for a lot of states to consider secession . . . Let's hope nothing like that happens.
If NH secedes, I hope they keep the Union-Leader to tell them how wrong they are. A fine old Republican paper.
I'm impressed that you've heard of the Union-Leader! :) I am not worried about NH seceding, the libertarian Republicans in the NH House are a very tiny (if pesky) minority.
BRILLIANT!!!