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May 2, 2022
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I suspect he was just teasing you a bit...

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One needs only to set the slightest comedic trap for Canadians and, in their fragility and insecurity, will innocently step in without much hesitation. We do love our northern brothers and sisters.

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I'm glad I gave you a chance to rise up in high dudgeon and protest my abject ignorance. Good for you. GK

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Thank you to Livia Simmons. Could not agree more or said it so very perfectly. PHC was the light of my week. When my kids were little, they knew not to disturb me on Saturdays at 6:00, while I made cookies and listened. The best sweetest memories.

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Dear Garrison,

Jean Shepherd (male) was the background of my youth (I’m 75) in NYC on WOR from the time I was about 8 or 9 and sharing a tiny bedroom and bed with my oldest sister and yelling at her to turn off the radio, I want to sleep. Wahwah. He told the most amazing stories of growing up during the thirties somewhere in Illinois, I forget where. You might know him as the author and narrator of A Christmas Story. He also wrote In God We Trust: All Others Pay Cash. To this day, I can remember so many of his stories like the time the neighborhood movie house was offering a complete set of dishes, one piece at a time, but all they had week after week was saucers and the moviegoers practically staged a riot because it was the depression and they thought they could get a whole service. I think there was a similar story about volumes of an encyclopedia, or that might have been my own experience at the local A & P. Another one was talking about his mother in her chenille bathrobe. A problem with a mixup about his sex because it wasn’t spelled Gene. Standing at the top of the cellar stairs, switching on the light and then running down the stairs to stomp on the cockroaches. And more importantly, he introduced me to Don Marquis and Archie and Mehitabal.

When he died at 78 in 1999, he was one of the few people I have genuinely mourned. I had listened to him all those years except when I was living abroad from 1970 to 1986. He was such a part of my life. I’ve been listening to you since I got back. Also think you got a raw deal. You both have beautiful, sonorous voices. The difference is I know you’re telling stories, whereas I believe his stories were genuine.

I know you’ve got loads on your plate and eye problems, but I really think you’d enjoy reading or hearing his stories. Also Don Marquis if you don’t know him. I still go around saying “toujours,

gai, toujours gai and knowing vers libre poetry when I see it. Archie the cockroach taught me that. Didn’t get it in college English.

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I was going to recommend Jean Shepherd, but you did a much better job of it than I ever could have. It's kind of hard to describe his humor - you just need to hear or read it. I used to listen to his shows late at night when I was in college and graduate school in the late 1960s and early 1970s. It was a nice respite from quantum mechanics. I already knew about Don Marquis and Archie and Mehitabel because my parents had an old American Literature book with a few of those stories in it. I read them when I was about 10 and loved them. (I placed out of college English, but I doubt that I would have learned about them there.) I have also been a PHC fan since they first began broadcasting it on WGBH radio in Boston many years ago. I have been fortunate to have seen GK live 5 times, including 2 weeks ago in RI.

My late mother loved PHC, too and we often discussed it when she used to call me on Sundays. After the show during which Garrison told the story about the guy who got an erection in church, she called me right away and asked me if I had heard it. We had a good laugh about it over the phone.

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If I knew anyone read these, I would have expanded more on the topic of Jean Shepherd.

I only saw Garrison once and that was at Wolf Trap in Vienna, Virginia. More than the show itself, I remember that when I told people at work that I was planning on going, how many people asked me to get tickets for them too. This was the World Bank and one of those people was a Nigerian gentleman, the last person I expected to appreciate the humor.

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I don't recall that story and I'm slightly embarrassed to think about it. GK

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You need not be embarrassed - you told the story in a tasteful way. It was hilarious - I was alone at the time, but had tears rolling down my cheeks and wished that someone could have been there to share the enjoyment of it with me. My mother didn't swear or use four-letter words, but she appreciated slightly off-color jokes and stories. I think it was in the late 1980s or early 1990s. I'll never forget it.

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Marquis I know and still read occasionally, but I should go back and discover Jean Shepherd. It sounds like he was an improvisor who also wrote and I should look up his old broadcasts. GK

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Galore, by Michael Crummey, is a book set in Canada with all manner of characters who are incredible but you believe anyway. Wonderful read...

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I always enjoy the letters to you, and your comments. I have been a long time listener to a PHC and the Writer's Almanac. And, as a mandolin player, discovered the beauty of the instrument from listening to Peter Ostroushko play on a PHC.

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Wonderful prose from you and contributors. I’ll be sure to pass this one on. Going by my self on a cruise to Alaska. Recovering from a broken neck. Decided not to do the zip line this time.

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You be careful up there and don't take up with opportunists.

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Hopefully not many opportunists on the ship. The worst is the art show. They ply you with champagne, and all of a sudden you’re buying a beautiful painting

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Just a couple of comments: 1. "no novels set in Canada" - huh? Tons. And short stories - our Alice Munro is a Nobel laureate. 2. "vomiting on your head" - well, back in my forestry undergraduate student days...it could happen. It could happen. 3. Ms. Green is right about "irregardless", but she's implying, not inferring. Signed...the Phantom Pedant.

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Gracias.

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I already wrote a comment. Where is it? Do these things take minutes, hours, or days to appear?

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They usually appear immediately.

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Thanks, Jeannine. This sign-in or log-on process always makes me crazy. My unposted post lies around on someone’s computer, I would imagine. I should have taken a screenshot of that post. Live and learn. Sigh!

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You're very welcome. Hopefully anyone who reads your unposted post will enjoy it. :)

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Yeah, well…It wasn’t bad, if I do say so!

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Some of them disappear, evidently.

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My first reply never made it at all. Substack is needlessly complicated for me. I won’t give up!

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Jean Shepherd, among his other talents, was a remarkable storyteller. I remember only snippets of 2 stories I heard on his radio show about 60 years ago. One story centered on some joyriding teenagers whose driver decided to race a train to a grade crossing, as told from the perspective of a backseat passenger, with reference to the car’s “slushomatic” automatic transmission. I won’t spoil the ending. The other story related to the teenagers’ pastime of competing to see who could land the imprint of their shoe sole highest on the wall of the garage where they hung out. The story concluded with the observation that the competing imprints remain on the wall to that very day. Julian Karpoff

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Louise Penney writes excellent novels set in Canada. 😊

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Louise Penney writes excellent novels set in Canada. 😊

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My favorite story concerned a bus ride with an ad for breath mints with a question, "Do you offend?" I hung on his every word on WOR. I think he primed us up for PHC on WNYC.

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