That is a beautiful story. Your father spoke to strangers about common everyday things because he knew we are all connected. We are all wandering about in this reality in the same existence. We all have the same worries and concerns. We all want happiness and love.
Your father’s openness with strangers reminded me of a story about my father. Traveling with my family to a holiday celebration my dad wanted to stop and buy a bottle of wine for the hosts. The whole family in our best holiday attire was traveling in my dad’s travel van so there were seven people in the van going to a relative's house for dinner. Dad drives to a liquor store and goes in to buy the wine. On his way back to the van my dad was stopped by a man with a disheveled appearance.
I watched the man talk to my dad and give him a long story about something. I exited the van to ask my dad what was going on. In front of this guy, my dad then explained that this fellow had car trouble up the road and he needed money to get a car hauler. Instead, my father who was very able at fixing car problems wanted to take the man to his car and assist him in getting it running.
Now, my family in the van all dressed up and anxious to get to the party were all looking on to this scene in front of them, in the van, waiting and wondering. It wasn’t plain to my dad that the man’s story was a ploy for this guy to get money so he could buy alcohol. He was outside a liquor store. My dad wanted to give the benefit of the doubt and actually take him for his word.
I said, “Dad, he just wants money to buy booze”. I turned to the man and handed him some money. He thanked me and went into the liquor store. My dad just shrugged the whole episode off and got back into the van.
The family had many questions about this little drama. My mother gave my dad a dissertation with the ending point of “What were you thinking?” “You were going to drive this stranger with us to where and to do what?” My dad took a lot of heat over this intentional good act.
All at once, I was reminded of the “Good Samaritan” and what I would do for a man in dire need. My father who wasn’t a huge scripture fan had learned that lesson just by living. Farmer’s son, soldier, bricklayer, husband, and father learned that kindness and generosity were for everyone. Who knows when you will be on the receiving end.
Beautiful! One of the things I loved about the Midwest when I moved here three decades ago is the easy way that utter strangers would still trade wry comments when we'd be waiting in line-- or any other encounter-- but back in the Northeast, where I came from, that same type of small talk had disappeared and was generally considered out of place (and a sure sign of small-town origins). Trading quips and sharing observations is not only a signal of civility, it's fun!
I really love this column. It resonates with a gal who grew up in a small town in West Texas when Texas used to be known for it’s friendliness. Oh well…. Anyhow, I continue to be friendly and say hello to random strangers and smile at every small child I see. I want them to know it’s a good world we have here. As you so clearly illustrated, warm feelings, connection, bon homie emerge when we venture out of ourselves and show kindness, warmth, and interest toward another. Thanks for letting your light shine! And yes, that catch by Rosario was amazing!!!
I do love this column. I send out "stuff" to a large group of friends several times a week, often a pithy saying or quote, and have, until now, accompanied the send-out with a musical attachment that, to me, fits the words shared. Your offering today marks the first time I sent out the words (your entire post, with attribution) alone. Any addition would only detract from your memories. As one close to your age, I too believe in the value of such small talk, and the connections made as a result. I think, like you, I owe that love comes from been blessed by growing up around older folks and listening to their stories to each other, often one flight of ideas countered with yet another by the intended listener, and only later realized by the unintended listener (me), as connected, and meaningful. Thank you.
They say that the secret to "good manners" or "etiquette" is to not let the other person feel out of place or awkward or embarrassed. The way to make people feel at ease or comfortable is to start up a conversation and talk. That is something I play by ear. Upon getting into a cab or being in close quarters with someone such as in a doctor's office, I say something about our situation and see how the other person responds. Most times the other person responds positively and we have a friendly conversation about why we are here, where we are going, etc. But if they don't want to talk that is ok and I let it drop.
When I was growing up I was taught to speak to people that you meet. At least say good morning or some similar comment. In some places now that is out of fashion. If walking down the street I often say good morning to those people I meet (But I obviously would not do that in a big city where the side walk is full of people). Most people respond with a friendly "Good Morning" but occasionally someone will act like I am a pervert or worse. But I have gotten to where I can usually tell if a person will respond favorably to a "Good morning" before I speak to them. If I don't think that they will respond favorably then I just keep quiet and keep going.
Over the years I have passed some pleasant times talking to people in doctors offices, on buses, airplanes, airports, and other places. Most of the times I never learned their names; once in a while you wind up with a talkative bore but not very often.
I just loved your small talk with the male nurse doing a blood draw! It's like looking at something through a glass door! On the other side, gender roles are all reversed! What the comment says to me is that it isn't really gender that matters at a job, one way or another. It's the skill of the individual!.
I don't have problems with blood draws, myself. The operators look at both arms, view my pop-up left vein as if they were the Count Dracula, ready for a feast, and just pounce! I have done a lot of translating though, mostly for the fellow members of my Ukrainian Pentecostal church. I remember a blood draw for one scarecrow of an elderly lady. The operator looked for a vein in both arms - no show. Finally he or she, I forget whom, examined both withered hands and found something that worked for a mini-needle. I remember the patience and the kindness of the person who did this necessary procedure - but not the gender.
I've met several young Ukrainian men who have chosen nursing as an occupation. It's a heartening sign for the future, I think, that in hiring people for particular jobs, employers are not as focused on one particular "gender" as a job requirement. May this "gender-blind" approach continue!
This is great. I also welcome light small talk with people and find it very gratifying and enjoyable. My wife is the same way; even more so. About 20 years ago I decided to always look people in the eye and really mean it when saying "Hi! How are you today?" and to really listen when they reply. Sometimes it leads to further conversation; often it doesn't. But I always see a brightening of spirit in the way people's eyes come alive from being seen and recognized as another human being.
"Hi! How are you?" can often yield reflexive replies. In New York, the standard answer is "Good". In California, it was "Fine." When I was working in California, my division boss and I mutually "told the truth" when we crossed paths in the hall. Our replies might be "busy", or "hungry", or "tired", or "having a great day!" Whatever we said, it meant something to us, that we were actually answering the question rather than mindlessly participating in a ritual.
As usual, Gary is right. There is nothing small about small talk.
Small talk can be a lot like dog sniffing. When a stranger enters your home and sits down, it is not uncommon for the family dog to start sniffing around the "outsider" which usually triggers a pat on the head or a scritch under the chin putting both you and the beast at ease. The same applies to human social encounters - small talk helps to make the space seem safe for sharing with others. During my Navy career, I reflexively initiated small talk with subordinates to reduce evaluation apprehension. Small talk usually helps create trust which improves 2-way communication in the future.
Small talk also can function as a Geiger counter or divining rod. It can help you discover treasure.
On a few occasions I have chatted up a stranger, like person on the plane or train sitting next to me, and that exchange led to subsequent professional opportunities. Small talk is the stuff that links professional and social networks.
Right on, Tom! All three points are very salient. There's also the factor that initiating small talk can validate the initiator. I'll never forget the bus ride in from the Atlanta airport once, long ago. A small black child - I'd guess he was in the upper grades of elementary school, came up and purposely sat by me, although there were many empty seats. He started a random conversation. By the time we reached the terminal, we were "good buddies." Coming from Los Angeles, at the time, I was amazed. Parents in LA generally teach their kids "Never Talk to Strangers." But it seemed as if this young fellow was acting on the principal that "Talking to people who are different from you can broaden your social outlook." He certainly broadened mine, with his love of small talk! Who knows? By now he might be a Congressman or governor!
My kids (adults chronologically) role their eyes and sigh when we are out together . They know I will talk to any stranger within 10 ft. In elevators, in grocery lines, waiting for the light to change, doctors’ waiting rooms. We all need the comfort of human interaction. I try to do my part.
Oh so bgeautiful. And the best way to start my day. I think if we at all want to make the world a better place, it does start with the small encounters between people, at the dinner table, at the barbershop, at the supermarket checkout line, at the water cooler. Thank you for re-affirming my faith in the my fellow men and women.
It is beautiful. I love small talk with strangers. It is like opening a book you know nothing about. It is a box of surprises. Covid has reduced opportunities to do that. But here we are, talking :)
That is a beautiful story. Your father spoke to strangers about common everyday things because he knew we are all connected. We are all wandering about in this reality in the same existence. We all have the same worries and concerns. We all want happiness and love.
Your father’s openness with strangers reminded me of a story about my father. Traveling with my family to a holiday celebration my dad wanted to stop and buy a bottle of wine for the hosts. The whole family in our best holiday attire was traveling in my dad’s travel van so there were seven people in the van going to a relative's house for dinner. Dad drives to a liquor store and goes in to buy the wine. On his way back to the van my dad was stopped by a man with a disheveled appearance.
I watched the man talk to my dad and give him a long story about something. I exited the van to ask my dad what was going on. In front of this guy, my dad then explained that this fellow had car trouble up the road and he needed money to get a car hauler. Instead, my father who was very able at fixing car problems wanted to take the man to his car and assist him in getting it running.
Now, my family in the van all dressed up and anxious to get to the party were all looking on to this scene in front of them, in the van, waiting and wondering. It wasn’t plain to my dad that the man’s story was a ploy for this guy to get money so he could buy alcohol. He was outside a liquor store. My dad wanted to give the benefit of the doubt and actually take him for his word.
I said, “Dad, he just wants money to buy booze”. I turned to the man and handed him some money. He thanked me and went into the liquor store. My dad just shrugged the whole episode off and got back into the van.
The family had many questions about this little drama. My mother gave my dad a dissertation with the ending point of “What were you thinking?” “You were going to drive this stranger with us to where and to do what?” My dad took a lot of heat over this intentional good act.
All at once, I was reminded of the “Good Samaritan” and what I would do for a man in dire need. My father who wasn’t a huge scripture fan had learned that lesson just by living. Farmer’s son, soldier, bricklayer, husband, and father learned that kindness and generosity were for everyone. Who knows when you will be on the receiving end.
Thank you, GK! Your story reminds me of this poem:
may my heart always be open to little
birds who are the secrets of living
whatever they sing is better than to know
and if men should not hear them men are old
may my mind stroll about hungry
and fearless and thirsty and supple
and even if it's sunday may i be wrong
for whenever men are right they are not young
and may myself do nothing usefully
and love yourself so more than truly
there's never been quite such a fool who could fail
pulling all the sky over him with one smile
Beautiful! One of the things I loved about the Midwest when I moved here three decades ago is the easy way that utter strangers would still trade wry comments when we'd be waiting in line-- or any other encounter-- but back in the Northeast, where I came from, that same type of small talk had disappeared and was generally considered out of place (and a sure sign of small-town origins). Trading quips and sharing observations is not only a signal of civility, it's fun!
I really love this column. It resonates with a gal who grew up in a small town in West Texas when Texas used to be known for it’s friendliness. Oh well…. Anyhow, I continue to be friendly and say hello to random strangers and smile at every small child I see. I want them to know it’s a good world we have here. As you so clearly illustrated, warm feelings, connection, bon homie emerge when we venture out of ourselves and show kindness, warmth, and interest toward another. Thanks for letting your light shine! And yes, that catch by Rosario was amazing!!!
Clicking "Like" has become the small talk of today.
Beautiful.
I do love this column. I send out "stuff" to a large group of friends several times a week, often a pithy saying or quote, and have, until now, accompanied the send-out with a musical attachment that, to me, fits the words shared. Your offering today marks the first time I sent out the words (your entire post, with attribution) alone. Any addition would only detract from your memories. As one close to your age, I too believe in the value of such small talk, and the connections made as a result. I think, like you, I owe that love comes from been blessed by growing up around older folks and listening to their stories to each other, often one flight of ideas countered with yet another by the intended listener, and only later realized by the unintended listener (me), as connected, and meaningful. Thank you.
They say that the secret to "good manners" or "etiquette" is to not let the other person feel out of place or awkward or embarrassed. The way to make people feel at ease or comfortable is to start up a conversation and talk. That is something I play by ear. Upon getting into a cab or being in close quarters with someone such as in a doctor's office, I say something about our situation and see how the other person responds. Most times the other person responds positively and we have a friendly conversation about why we are here, where we are going, etc. But if they don't want to talk that is ok and I let it drop.
When I was growing up I was taught to speak to people that you meet. At least say good morning or some similar comment. In some places now that is out of fashion. If walking down the street I often say good morning to those people I meet (But I obviously would not do that in a big city where the side walk is full of people). Most people respond with a friendly "Good Morning" but occasionally someone will act like I am a pervert or worse. But I have gotten to where I can usually tell if a person will respond favorably to a "Good morning" before I speak to them. If I don't think that they will respond favorably then I just keep quiet and keep going.
Over the years I have passed some pleasant times talking to people in doctors offices, on buses, airplanes, airports, and other places. Most of the times I never learned their names; once in a while you wind up with a talkative bore but not very often.
Best wishes to one and all.
I just loved your small talk with the male nurse doing a blood draw! It's like looking at something through a glass door! On the other side, gender roles are all reversed! What the comment says to me is that it isn't really gender that matters at a job, one way or another. It's the skill of the individual!.
I don't have problems with blood draws, myself. The operators look at both arms, view my pop-up left vein as if they were the Count Dracula, ready for a feast, and just pounce! I have done a lot of translating though, mostly for the fellow members of my Ukrainian Pentecostal church. I remember a blood draw for one scarecrow of an elderly lady. The operator looked for a vein in both arms - no show. Finally he or she, I forget whom, examined both withered hands and found something that worked for a mini-needle. I remember the patience and the kindness of the person who did this necessary procedure - but not the gender.
I've met several young Ukrainian men who have chosen nursing as an occupation. It's a heartening sign for the future, I think, that in hiring people for particular jobs, employers are not as focused on one particular "gender" as a job requirement. May this "gender-blind" approach continue!
This is great. I also welcome light small talk with people and find it very gratifying and enjoyable. My wife is the same way; even more so. About 20 years ago I decided to always look people in the eye and really mean it when saying "Hi! How are you today?" and to really listen when they reply. Sometimes it leads to further conversation; often it doesn't. But I always see a brightening of spirit in the way people's eyes come alive from being seen and recognized as another human being.
"Hi! How are you?" can often yield reflexive replies. In New York, the standard answer is "Good". In California, it was "Fine." When I was working in California, my division boss and I mutually "told the truth" when we crossed paths in the hall. Our replies might be "busy", or "hungry", or "tired", or "having a great day!" Whatever we said, it meant something to us, that we were actually answering the question rather than mindlessly participating in a ritual.
As usual, Gary is right. There is nothing small about small talk.
Small talk can be a lot like dog sniffing. When a stranger enters your home and sits down, it is not uncommon for the family dog to start sniffing around the "outsider" which usually triggers a pat on the head or a scritch under the chin putting both you and the beast at ease. The same applies to human social encounters - small talk helps to make the space seem safe for sharing with others. During my Navy career, I reflexively initiated small talk with subordinates to reduce evaluation apprehension. Small talk usually helps create trust which improves 2-way communication in the future.
Small talk also can function as a Geiger counter or divining rod. It can help you discover treasure.
On a few occasions I have chatted up a stranger, like person on the plane or train sitting next to me, and that exchange led to subsequent professional opportunities. Small talk is the stuff that links professional and social networks.
Right on, Tom! All three points are very salient. There's also the factor that initiating small talk can validate the initiator. I'll never forget the bus ride in from the Atlanta airport once, long ago. A small black child - I'd guess he was in the upper grades of elementary school, came up and purposely sat by me, although there were many empty seats. He started a random conversation. By the time we reached the terminal, we were "good buddies." Coming from Los Angeles, at the time, I was amazed. Parents in LA generally teach their kids "Never Talk to Strangers." But it seemed as if this young fellow was acting on the principal that "Talking to people who are different from you can broaden your social outlook." He certainly broadened mine, with his love of small talk! Who knows? By now he might be a Congressman or governor!
My kids (adults chronologically) role their eyes and sigh when we are out together . They know I will talk to any stranger within 10 ft. In elevators, in grocery lines, waiting for the light to change, doctors’ waiting rooms. We all need the comfort of human interaction. I try to do my part.
You are very wise man!
Oh so bgeautiful. And the best way to start my day. I think if we at all want to make the world a better place, it does start with the small encounters between people, at the dinner table, at the barbershop, at the supermarket checkout line, at the water cooler. Thank you for re-affirming my faith in the my fellow men and women.
It is beautiful. I love small talk with strangers. It is like opening a book you know nothing about. It is a box of surprises. Covid has reduced opportunities to do that. But here we are, talking :)