GK, you are next level kindness and understanding. I have much to think about as a result of this latest chronicle from your brilliant mind and generous heart. Thank you! In the spirit of your example, I forgive Henry Truer for his recent post and not “forgive” in the way the lovely Andie MacDowell once explained to me what Southerners really mean when they say “I’m gonna pray for you!” I forgive Henry and will truly pray for him. Jesus can break bread with sinners & Republicans, I should follow that lead. Hear!, hear! Amen.
Thanks for this article! My parents and grandparents also went to Heaven with their secrets; I found out a few years ago at 65 that my paternal step-grandpa was really my dad and like yourself, found a branch of the family that also brings up Jesus in normal conversation. It seems odd that the younger generation retained their parents' faith but not their obstinacy. However, I am thankful for it and for your post. Deano in Cincinnati
I have always said there is no such thing as a good family secret. If these things were told, not in good time, but when they occur they would simply slip into family lore. Every family has them and, in the case of my family, they spice up an otherwise humdrum Midwestern Methodist family.
If I were to fall and, God knows, I never do, it would be for a secret that only I (and maybe one other of an innocent heart) would know. Thank God for our little secrets. Perhaps that is why He(She?) created us. That undiscovered secret makes even a God curious. And that is good, n'est pas?
I have often said.... If you can correct the morality of humankind, you will have corrected the world's problems. Morality knows no political party, no skin color, no financial status, no religion. It is in everyone to accept or deny. More often than not, moral thinking is regularly denied. The moral compass is mostly broken in favor of gain for whatever purpose. No matter what side of the isle you are on, a moral thought, a moral action is a choice.
We also all have profanity in us. Let it fly. Profanity never hurt anyone, it is a form of expression, one that can get a point across. Morality, or the lack thereof, also gets a point across, choose wisely.
"Each of us owes our life to a marvelous combination of circumstances..."
Pascal said that years (centuries, even) ago: we think we plan and order our lives, that our lives are lived by decisions and control, when actually virtually every important aspect of your life, including your very existence, is the result of chance. He was a mathematician/philosopher so he knew what he was talking about. If my dad hadn't gone to that dance in WWII I wouldn't be here. If I hadn't gone on a hayride in 1971 my four kids wouldn't be here and I have no idea where I'd be or what I'd be doing.
Sweet forgiveness, and empathy, and flexibility…in an older couple’s wedding picture we noted that the maid of honor, who was turned slightly sideways, was noticeably pregnant, and when we asked the husband noted ‘that life goes on’ and his wife blushed a bit…the photo was from the around 1920. And love and life do find a way…glad you are here!
Family history research and DNA test results have uncovered many long-hidden family secrets.
I recently tracked down and contacted my late mother's presumed half-sister and sent her an Ancestry DNA test. I was hoping that she had a larger % of "Indigenous American" ancestry than I did because she is a generation above me. While waiting for the test results, I studied her face on a recent picture of her and compared it to pictures of other relatives of my grandfather, but couldn't see any resemblances. When the DNA results came back, they showed that she has 50% Russian Jewish from her paternal side, rather than the 50% France which she would have had if my grandfather had been her biological father. She is not a match to any of my late grandfather's grandchildren or great-grandchildren who have tested. She does have a close, likely 1st cousin match with a Jewish man and has hundreds of shared matches with him. I constructed a family tree for her and reasoned that this man's uncle (who died in 1959) was likely my "not really" half-aunt's biological father. I even found a picture of him and sent it to her. She was surprised and intrigued, but frustrated that she didn't know whether her (long deceased) mother or father realized that my grandfather was not her biological father. She is quite short, as was her mother. Her biological father was only 5'5" tall whereas my grandfather was just under 6' tall. Both men had similar coloring - olive skin and very dark hair and eyes, so her height was only obvious trait that might have raised suspicion about her paternity. (I have also identified a parent for each of two other unknown close matches (adoptees) in DNA test results of several of my relatives. )
"Family Secrets!" In these days of the Twenty-First Century, premarital sex is "no big deal" for most of us, I suppose. We see episodes on TV or in the movies, hear stories about it on the radio, or read "Lurid" books on the topic. If your parents had been dating a generation or two later, folks would hear your story and say: "So they were healthy, curious teenagers. So what? Their marriage lasted and they continued to have fine children who have had "model" lives! Sounds like everything worked out well for your family."
But, "way back then," there was a "family secret" between my parents as well. In 1942, when they tied the knot, it seems that it was considered obligatory that the man was the same age or older than the woman. My "Old Lady" was TWO (HORRORS!!!!) years older than my father. All through my childhood, every March 6th, there would be a cake, and candles, and the question: "How old are you?" And every year she would reply: "The same age as your father." LIAR!!! LIAR!!! Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire! In all the years of her life, that was "the truth" as I knew it. Imagine my surprise when I saw her headstone in the cemetery at her burial service. "There must be some mistake," I said to the undertaker. It says "1916" here, but she was born in 1918." "Sorry about that," the funeral director replied. "We're going by the date on her birth certificate."
For someone of my generation, I couldn't understand why that half-life long deception had been perpetrated. "So what's a couple of years???" I wondered. Philosophically, perhaps the expected age difference might be associated with the concept of "Male Dominance" - the idea that the man led and the woman followed. But that had never been the case with my parents. Rationally, though, their inverse dominance relationship seemed totally understandable. My father had been born as the "sandwich son" between an older and a younger sister. Add to that, Jean, the older sister, had serious allergy issues. Dad had spent his entire childhood "taking care of Jean" - assisting in keeping her away from peanut butter, ragweed, and I don't even know all the substances that could trigger her breathing problems. Being a "Yes Man" was part of the fabric of his socialization in childhood.
On the other side of my parentage, she was an only child for 14 years before her younger brother appeared. During her childhood, her librarian mother was the stable breadwinner with the daytime job. Her father, a gym locker attendant at the YMCA on evenings and weekends, was the "stay-at-home House Husband and her day-time parent during the week. As an only child, she had her father wrapped around her finger. She was used to being the center of attention, of calling the shots, of having Her Will being done.
All this is "sociologically interesting" to me in a broader sense. With all this Twenty-First Century shifting of gender roles, it seems to me that many more families will be grappling with the question of "Who is the leader?" or - "How can we make gender equality work?" If we can't look back to past generations for guidance, will there be many of us who feel as if we're walking on quicksand? Surely, things will sort themselves out over time. But we're in a "Swing Generation," it seems to me. We can't necessarily look to the past and say "But THIS is the way things are done." If we each end up finding a balance that works for our particular situation, that doesn't mean that there's any one, generalizable answer. I'm sure, over time, we'll work out the fine points of "Gender Equality." In the mean time, though, we're challenged with the task of figuring out relationships that are "Fair" for all involved!
GK, you are next level kindness and understanding. I have much to think about as a result of this latest chronicle from your brilliant mind and generous heart. Thank you! In the spirit of your example, I forgive Henry Truer for his recent post and not “forgive” in the way the lovely Andie MacDowell once explained to me what Southerners really mean when they say “I’m gonna pray for you!” I forgive Henry and will truly pray for him. Jesus can break bread with sinners & Republicans, I should follow that lead. Hear!, hear! Amen.
Thanks for this article! My parents and grandparents also went to Heaven with their secrets; I found out a few years ago at 65 that my paternal step-grandpa was really my dad and like yourself, found a branch of the family that also brings up Jesus in normal conversation. It seems odd that the younger generation retained their parents' faith but not their obstinacy. However, I am thankful for it and for your post. Deano in Cincinnati
I have always said there is no such thing as a good family secret. If these things were told, not in good time, but when they occur they would simply slip into family lore. Every family has them and, in the case of my family, they spice up an otherwise humdrum Midwestern Methodist family.
The vulgar four letter profanity, was it love?
If I were to fall and, God knows, I never do, it would be for a secret that only I (and maybe one other of an innocent heart) would know. Thank God for our little secrets. Perhaps that is why He(She?) created us. That undiscovered secret makes even a God curious. And that is good, n'est pas?
Dear Mr Keillor
Thank you for your well written essay of Monday
Aloysius
Thank you for the prayers
I forgive you for your “bad” thoughts and assumptions that you had
Not sure what you are forgiving me about
Jesus also broke bread with Dems
I have done that for many years
I have often said.... If you can correct the morality of humankind, you will have corrected the world's problems. Morality knows no political party, no skin color, no financial status, no religion. It is in everyone to accept or deny. More often than not, moral thinking is regularly denied. The moral compass is mostly broken in favor of gain for whatever purpose. No matter what side of the isle you are on, a moral thought, a moral action is a choice.
We also all have profanity in us. Let it fly. Profanity never hurt anyone, it is a form of expression, one that can get a point across. Morality, or the lack thereof, also gets a point across, choose wisely.
Keep up the good work, young man!
Thank you for including the terrible death of migrants in Texas. It horrifies me that it isn’t getting its due attention.
"Each of us owes our life to a marvelous combination of circumstances..."
Pascal said that years (centuries, even) ago: we think we plan and order our lives, that our lives are lived by decisions and control, when actually virtually every important aspect of your life, including your very existence, is the result of chance. He was a mathematician/philosopher so he knew what he was talking about. If my dad hadn't gone to that dance in WWII I wouldn't be here. If I hadn't gone on a hayride in 1971 my four kids wouldn't be here and I have no idea where I'd be or what I'd be doing.
Sweet forgiveness, and empathy, and flexibility…in an older couple’s wedding picture we noted that the maid of honor, who was turned slightly sideways, was noticeably pregnant, and when we asked the husband noted ‘that life goes on’ and his wife blushed a bit…the photo was from the around 1920. And love and life do find a way…glad you are here!
Thanks, good meditation
Another great shot in the arm!
Always thought provoking. Thanks.
Family history research and DNA test results have uncovered many long-hidden family secrets.
I recently tracked down and contacted my late mother's presumed half-sister and sent her an Ancestry DNA test. I was hoping that she had a larger % of "Indigenous American" ancestry than I did because she is a generation above me. While waiting for the test results, I studied her face on a recent picture of her and compared it to pictures of other relatives of my grandfather, but couldn't see any resemblances. When the DNA results came back, they showed that she has 50% Russian Jewish from her paternal side, rather than the 50% France which she would have had if my grandfather had been her biological father. She is not a match to any of my late grandfather's grandchildren or great-grandchildren who have tested. She does have a close, likely 1st cousin match with a Jewish man and has hundreds of shared matches with him. I constructed a family tree for her and reasoned that this man's uncle (who died in 1959) was likely my "not really" half-aunt's biological father. I even found a picture of him and sent it to her. She was surprised and intrigued, but frustrated that she didn't know whether her (long deceased) mother or father realized that my grandfather was not her biological father. She is quite short, as was her mother. Her biological father was only 5'5" tall whereas my grandfather was just under 6' tall. Both men had similar coloring - olive skin and very dark hair and eyes, so her height was only obvious trait that might have raised suspicion about her paternity. (I have also identified a parent for each of two other unknown close matches (adoptees) in DNA test results of several of my relatives. )
"Family Secrets!" In these days of the Twenty-First Century, premarital sex is "no big deal" for most of us, I suppose. We see episodes on TV or in the movies, hear stories about it on the radio, or read "Lurid" books on the topic. If your parents had been dating a generation or two later, folks would hear your story and say: "So they were healthy, curious teenagers. So what? Their marriage lasted and they continued to have fine children who have had "model" lives! Sounds like everything worked out well for your family."
But, "way back then," there was a "family secret" between my parents as well. In 1942, when they tied the knot, it seems that it was considered obligatory that the man was the same age or older than the woman. My "Old Lady" was TWO (HORRORS!!!!) years older than my father. All through my childhood, every March 6th, there would be a cake, and candles, and the question: "How old are you?" And every year she would reply: "The same age as your father." LIAR!!! LIAR!!! Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire! In all the years of her life, that was "the truth" as I knew it. Imagine my surprise when I saw her headstone in the cemetery at her burial service. "There must be some mistake," I said to the undertaker. It says "1916" here, but she was born in 1918." "Sorry about that," the funeral director replied. "We're going by the date on her birth certificate."
For someone of my generation, I couldn't understand why that half-life long deception had been perpetrated. "So what's a couple of years???" I wondered. Philosophically, perhaps the expected age difference might be associated with the concept of "Male Dominance" - the idea that the man led and the woman followed. But that had never been the case with my parents. Rationally, though, their inverse dominance relationship seemed totally understandable. My father had been born as the "sandwich son" between an older and a younger sister. Add to that, Jean, the older sister, had serious allergy issues. Dad had spent his entire childhood "taking care of Jean" - assisting in keeping her away from peanut butter, ragweed, and I don't even know all the substances that could trigger her breathing problems. Being a "Yes Man" was part of the fabric of his socialization in childhood.
On the other side of my parentage, she was an only child for 14 years before her younger brother appeared. During her childhood, her librarian mother was the stable breadwinner with the daytime job. Her father, a gym locker attendant at the YMCA on evenings and weekends, was the "stay-at-home House Husband and her day-time parent during the week. As an only child, she had her father wrapped around her finger. She was used to being the center of attention, of calling the shots, of having Her Will being done.
All this is "sociologically interesting" to me in a broader sense. With all this Twenty-First Century shifting of gender roles, it seems to me that many more families will be grappling with the question of "Who is the leader?" or - "How can we make gender equality work?" If we can't look back to past generations for guidance, will there be many of us who feel as if we're walking on quicksand? Surely, things will sort themselves out over time. But we're in a "Swing Generation," it seems to me. We can't necessarily look to the past and say "But THIS is the way things are done." If we each end up finding a balance that works for our particular situation, that doesn't mean that there's any one, generalizable answer. I'm sure, over time, we'll work out the fine points of "Gender Equality." In the mean time, though, we're challenged with the task of figuring out relationships that are "Fair" for all involved!