You can thank the nutbag that poisoned the Tylenol bottle in the store years ago. Or the people that injected "stuff" into apples on Halloween. We have pay a price for our protection.
So one lunatic has the power to cause enormous expense over an extensive period of time? In New York, a lunatic shoved a woman into the path of a subway train and she was killed. How much would it cost New York City to build glass walls along subway tracks with doors that open only when the train stops? Billions. I'd prefer the money be spent on schools and health care. I would only add that my being "irked" at the protective cap on toothpaste was a joke. What really irks me are humorless people. Bleaughhhhh.
I think we knew that. One thing the readers on this site get is satire and irony. Which distinguishes it from most sites. Didn't say I AGREED with the Tylenol Response. Not at all, any more than I agree with the billions spent on airport "security". Taking shoes off, for years, because one moron had an explosive in his heel? What about the guy with explosives in his underwear? Do we all strip down now? (Sorry I asked - it gives them ideas).
I agree about airport security. But going through TSA checkpoints does give you an interesting look at human nature ––– the agents who go out of their way to be friendly, and the ones who enjoy weilding authority a little too much. Ah well. Human beings are so interesting. Thank God, we're not fish.
Exactly. Curiously, I often found the security staff at our smaller regional airports here in BC to be more officious and inflexible than, say, at Vancouver International. I wonder if that's typical?
It's not a happy job. Someone goes through the Xray and the seam on the jeans registers in red and you have to pat down someone's crotch. Not a good way to spend your day.
A good report Old Scout and I'm so happy that you brush twice daily. You are not among those of us whose oral mucosa becomes severely irritated by SLS (sodium lauryl sulfate), a surfactant present in the huge majority of toothpastes on the market, including Colgate.
SLS makes toothpaste "foam" during use, in some apparently agreeable way.
I propose that you investigate Tom's of Maine Natural Toothpaste. Read their advertising fine print then choose a flavor that has "Fluoride YES and SLS NO". This outfit makes the following rather charming claim: "We accept fermentation and saponification but would not allow ethoxylation, propoxlyation, or quarternization". By God, that's just amazing to hear.
The magic of music. Music that can be sung with lyrics that bring on emotions and feelings. We all have songs that bring memories or thoughts of past events and it brings the recollections back to that moment. It’s like a time machine in our mind.
To have a group sing a song from memory, acapella, joins the participants heart and soul for that moment. In unison, in harmony, where everyone is trying to recreate a feeling, a bonding of purpose and meaning. It’s beautiful, it’s God’s creation, it brings people who can be so diverse and different to be one.
Children learn language best through songs. Lullabies, nursery rhymes, silly songs about kittens and puppies are songs to calm and soothe and help bring on sleep. It is the magic of music. Music is the undercurrent of our subconscious. Maybe God is best described by music, that is the one creation that best defines and connects with him.
When I was living in New York in the early seventies, I had a cast on my left leg (don't ask) and fell in the subway, thus dispelling the myth that New Yorkers are an uncaring lot. A man missed his train to help me to my feet and people rushed to my aid on the train. Another man walked me to my office making sure I was in good hands. You're in a good place to experience "the kindness of strangers."
What's worse about the new, foiled toothpastes is that they requires a sharp object, like a fork tine, to pierce the foil, and I don't have one of those in the bathroom. I did get a new tube of toothpaste recently, and the cap on it, turned upside down, will puncture the foil. "Is this a great country or what?", said Mr. Edison when he finally found that a carobonized string of cotton thread lit his light bulb and changed most of the world.
Very soon you eill be kissing the big "80" which entitles us to serve as members of the Luckiest Generation. We are the ones who strike up the band, if we can, and sing our national anthem. The braver among us will still sing, "God Bless America," having once signed on to a higher power. And, most of us found our earlier radio contemporaries, Bob and Ray, funnier than a "rubber crutch" from when you could say that. We don't say that any more.
Yes, this is a great country, but like you, I subconsciously worry about what's happened to the "great" that used to precede "country." Maybe you don't worry. It doesn't do much good to worry anyway, given the direction of our current plebiscite. It's more likely the toaster to watch out for on your walk, or some statuary you are standing near.
As for the toothpaste with that foil top, try turning the cap over. You never know.
These protective foils and such go back to those poisoned Tylenol pills found in a drug store, some years ago, if I recall correctly. Ever since, steps have been taken to eliminate these whacko poison attempts. We can now be more assured of the reliably of the product. Stay well!
Try taking off the foil as if you were injecting strychnine into the toothpaste. Then put the foil back as it was before your devious, but imaginary deed. I realize you are guy of many talents, but I think you chose the right professions. Poisonous injections into a tube is likely not your long suit, sir! Do I detect a smidgeon of paranoia when it comes to toothpaste tops? You have a far better chance of getting smacked on the head from that dropped electric toaster.
Thanks for putting my mind at rest. I have just now filled my teacup too full and spilled boiling water on my knuckles and it hurts. But I feel no effects from having brushed my teeth this morning.
With Colgate producing 20 billion, yes billion, tubes of toothpaste per year, I think you can relax knowing that you are more likely to trip over that small rug in front of your kitchen sink and smack your skull on the edge of the counter than you are getting poisoned by some lunatic with a hypodermic needle in the personal hygiene section of the super market. If it helps at all, switch to Sensodyne, it's better for your teeth and gums at our advanced age.... well... that's what the hypodermic needle lunatic tells me anyway.
I stopped watching the news on TV when the likes of reputable guys such as Walter Cronkite and Roger Grimsby went off the air. In those days you may recall, Cronkite would report to us "...here's what's happening" each evening. They reported the news. Today, and sadly, most TELL us the news injected with their personal opinions, the opinions of their bosses, the network and it's shareholders. Reputable news anchors died off many years ago, so you're not missing anything.
The newspapers aren't really worth the paper they are printed on anymore and the only reliable truth within their pages, as always, can only be found in the obituaries and the comics. Truth be told, the only reason I ever picked up a newspaper was to see what the Peanuts gang was up to or what corporate silliness was happening in Dilbert. If I wanted political news, I'd read Doonesbury. When I was in my teens and very interested in baseball, I might read the sports pages... might read them. But, that interest stopped when players started complaining that they were making ONLY a million dollars per year for hitting, or missing, a baseball and essentially playing catch in a stadium, all the while in front of thousands of people who believe the players cared about the game and their fans. But we all realized eventually it was about the money now.
So do yourself a favor, just read the comics, only watch, or binge-watch if you like, old TV shows like Mannix and My Mother The Car. And, for the love of God, brush your teeth after each meal, floss and gargle each morning with Listerine.... in the bottles with the plastic round the cap and factory seal under the cap. You know, for your protection.
I started out writing for a newspaper, the Anoka Herald, and I remain loyal to the trade. Newscasters are entertainers. Newspapers dare to ask the hard questions.
We missed the Avalon Theater performance as Omicron reawakened, but gather it entailed joyous lashings of ribaldry from this review by fellow midwesterner: "It was great. 2 hrs 15 mins at 79. Haven’t laughed so much in a long long time. Great fun. No easy way to describe it. PHC on steroids or viagra?"
1. Garrison forgets the Tylenol murders of 1982 (https://www.pbs.org/newshour/health/tylenol-murders-1982): that changed packaging forever, just as the 9/11 attacks instituted Airport Security Theatre that's cost, literally, billions.
2. The angel didn't stop Jimmy Stewart from jumping off the bridge - quite the opposite, Clarence CAUSED Jimmy to jump "...to save ME".
I thought since you live in New York you might want to know how to respond to the question "How are you..." in Yiddish. Ess cane alez nole zahn erger. It could always be worse. It seems your heritage and mine had the same philosophy about life.
Jews had plenty of reason to be aware of Worse. We Prots of Minnesota did not. In Yiddish, it has the ring of bitter truth. Coming from me, it would be base irony.
Bob and Ray! I grew up in St Paul, just a few months behind you, laughing at some of the great comedians and comic actors of the day: George Gobel, Red Buttons, Steve Allen, Ernie Kovacs, Lucille Ball. So many. (I especially love Bob and Ray’s bit about the Slow Talkers of America.) When I first heard your morning show, I knew you’d be one of my favorites.
Gratitude is certainly the primary lubricant that smooths life out these days. But humor remains a close second. Along the way I’ve added poets to my list of essential life companions. And a wife who delights me. Actually there’s quite a lot to soothe the insults of this slow descent of aging. So gratitude indeed. And for you as well.
For goodness' sake, GK, you had the answer to the toothpaste problem years ago, but clearly you've forgotten. You once touted the virtues of Euthymol Toothpaste, which you mentioned (along with Dark Chocolate HobNobs) as the Best of Britain. I had to hunt it down on my next trip, and for several of those pre-Amazon trips, I brought home tubes of Euthymol and HobNobs in my luggage. Now a local store sells HobNobs and I buy Euthymol by the sixpack online. There is a double-ended cap on the tube that makes puncturing the seal a snap. (Although I wonder about the caution on the box: 'Keep out of reach of Children.'
Good point, sir. Has anyone poisoned their own toothpaste and then tried to sue Colgate?
You can thank the nutbag that poisoned the Tylenol bottle in the store years ago. Or the people that injected "stuff" into apples on Halloween. We have pay a price for our protection.
Indeed. I think Garrison has forgotten the Tylenol Incident
So one lunatic has the power to cause enormous expense over an extensive period of time? In New York, a lunatic shoved a woman into the path of a subway train and she was killed. How much would it cost New York City to build glass walls along subway tracks with doors that open only when the train stops? Billions. I'd prefer the money be spent on schools and health care. I would only add that my being "irked" at the protective cap on toothpaste was a joke. What really irks me are humorless people. Bleaughhhhh.
I think we knew that. One thing the readers on this site get is satire and irony. Which distinguishes it from most sites. Didn't say I AGREED with the Tylenol Response. Not at all, any more than I agree with the billions spent on airport "security". Taking shoes off, for years, because one moron had an explosive in his heel? What about the guy with explosives in his underwear? Do we all strip down now? (Sorry I asked - it gives them ideas).
On further reflection maybe irony on this site is a one-way street?
I agree about airport security. But going through TSA checkpoints does give you an interesting look at human nature ––– the agents who go out of their way to be friendly, and the ones who enjoy weilding authority a little too much. Ah well. Human beings are so interesting. Thank God, we're not fish.
Exactly. Curiously, I often found the security staff at our smaller regional airports here in BC to be more officious and inflexible than, say, at Vancouver International. I wonder if that's typical?
It's not a happy job. Someone goes through the Xray and the seam on the jeans registers in red and you have to pat down someone's crotch. Not a good way to spend your day.
A good report Old Scout and I'm so happy that you brush twice daily. You are not among those of us whose oral mucosa becomes severely irritated by SLS (sodium lauryl sulfate), a surfactant present in the huge majority of toothpastes on the market, including Colgate.
SLS makes toothpaste "foam" during use, in some apparently agreeable way.
I propose that you investigate Tom's of Maine Natural Toothpaste. Read their advertising fine print then choose a flavor that has "Fluoride YES and SLS NO". This outfit makes the following rather charming claim: "We accept fermentation and saponification but would not allow ethoxylation, propoxlyation, or quarternization". By God, that's just amazing to hear.
Thanks for clearing that up. I've often lain awake worrying about ethoxylation and propoxylation. Pretty sure not enough folks do.
The magic of music. Music that can be sung with lyrics that bring on emotions and feelings. We all have songs that bring memories or thoughts of past events and it brings the recollections back to that moment. It’s like a time machine in our mind.
To have a group sing a song from memory, acapella, joins the participants heart and soul for that moment. In unison, in harmony, where everyone is trying to recreate a feeling, a bonding of purpose and meaning. It’s beautiful, it’s God’s creation, it brings people who can be so diverse and different to be one.
Children learn language best through songs. Lullabies, nursery rhymes, silly songs about kittens and puppies are songs to calm and soothe and help bring on sleep. It is the magic of music. Music is the undercurrent of our subconscious. Maybe God is best described by music, that is the one creation that best defines and connects with him.
When I was living in New York in the early seventies, I had a cast on my left leg (don't ask) and fell in the subway, thus dispelling the myth that New Yorkers are an uncaring lot. A man missed his train to help me to my feet and people rushed to my aid on the train. Another man walked me to my office making sure I was in good hands. You're in a good place to experience "the kindness of strangers."
What can I say? Write if you get work, and hang by your thumbs.
I got work. The work involves using my thumbs. On the space bar.
What's worse about the new, foiled toothpastes is that they requires a sharp object, like a fork tine, to pierce the foil, and I don't have one of those in the bathroom. I did get a new tube of toothpaste recently, and the cap on it, turned upside down, will puncture the foil. "Is this a great country or what?", said Mr. Edison when he finally found that a carobonized string of cotton thread lit his light bulb and changed most of the world.
Very soon you eill be kissing the big "80" which entitles us to serve as members of the Luckiest Generation. We are the ones who strike up the band, if we can, and sing our national anthem. The braver among us will still sing, "God Bless America," having once signed on to a higher power. And, most of us found our earlier radio contemporaries, Bob and Ray, funnier than a "rubber crutch" from when you could say that. We don't say that any more.
Yes, this is a great country, but like you, I subconsciously worry about what's happened to the "great" that used to precede "country." Maybe you don't worry. It doesn't do much good to worry anyway, given the direction of our current plebiscite. It's more likely the toaster to watch out for on your walk, or some statuary you are standing near.
As for the toothpaste with that foil top, try turning the cap over. You never know.
You're right! Turning the cap over does the trick. Thanks.
These protective foils and such go back to those poisoned Tylenol pills found in a drug store, some years ago, if I recall correctly. Ever since, steps have been taken to eliminate these whacko poison attempts. We can now be more assured of the reliably of the product. Stay well!
A thin foil cap provides security? I don't think so.
Try taking off the foil as if you were injecting strychnine into the toothpaste. Then put the foil back as it was before your devious, but imaginary deed. I realize you are guy of many talents, but I think you chose the right professions. Poisonous injections into a tube is likely not your long suit, sir! Do I detect a smidgeon of paranoia when it comes to toothpaste tops? You have a far better chance of getting smacked on the head from that dropped electric toaster.
Thanks for putting my mind at rest. I have just now filled my teacup too full and spilled boiling water on my knuckles and it hurts. But I feel no effects from having brushed my teeth this morning.
Comme çii, comme ça. Hang in there.
Also—being a kid raised in Minnesota—to how are you? You might respond “Oh-can’t complain” that suffices most of the time.
I usually reply, “Spiffy!” But then I was born in WVa and grew up in PA.
On an iffy day, I reply, “Fair to middlin’.” That refers to a grade of cotton fiber.
For the past few years, I automatically say, "Never better." It actually cheers me up.
Stephens Point, Wisconsin! Love it. The city should really consider changing the spelling. Thanks for the suggestion, Mr Keeler.
With Colgate producing 20 billion, yes billion, tubes of toothpaste per year, I think you can relax knowing that you are more likely to trip over that small rug in front of your kitchen sink and smack your skull on the edge of the counter than you are getting poisoned by some lunatic with a hypodermic needle in the personal hygiene section of the super market. If it helps at all, switch to Sensodyne, it's better for your teeth and gums at our advanced age.... well... that's what the hypodermic needle lunatic tells me anyway.
I stopped watching the news on TV when the likes of reputable guys such as Walter Cronkite and Roger Grimsby went off the air. In those days you may recall, Cronkite would report to us "...here's what's happening" each evening. They reported the news. Today, and sadly, most TELL us the news injected with their personal opinions, the opinions of their bosses, the network and it's shareholders. Reputable news anchors died off many years ago, so you're not missing anything.
The newspapers aren't really worth the paper they are printed on anymore and the only reliable truth within their pages, as always, can only be found in the obituaries and the comics. Truth be told, the only reason I ever picked up a newspaper was to see what the Peanuts gang was up to or what corporate silliness was happening in Dilbert. If I wanted political news, I'd read Doonesbury. When I was in my teens and very interested in baseball, I might read the sports pages... might read them. But, that interest stopped when players started complaining that they were making ONLY a million dollars per year for hitting, or missing, a baseball and essentially playing catch in a stadium, all the while in front of thousands of people who believe the players cared about the game and their fans. But we all realized eventually it was about the money now.
So do yourself a favor, just read the comics, only watch, or binge-watch if you like, old TV shows like Mannix and My Mother The Car. And, for the love of God, brush your teeth after each meal, floss and gargle each morning with Listerine.... in the bottles with the plastic round the cap and factory seal under the cap. You know, for your protection.
I started out writing for a newspaper, the Anoka Herald, and I remain loyal to the trade. Newscasters are entertainers. Newspapers dare to ask the hard questions.
love you Garrison, only you could write a profound column on toothpaste, thank for the smile on my face
We missed the Avalon Theater performance as Omicron reawakened, but gather it entailed joyous lashings of ribaldry from this review by fellow midwesterner: "It was great. 2 hrs 15 mins at 79. Haven’t laughed so much in a long long time. Great fun. No easy way to describe it. PHC on steroids or viagra?"
I loved Sunday night at the Avalon in Easton. I'll remember that night forever.
A couple of cavils:
1. Garrison forgets the Tylenol murders of 1982 (https://www.pbs.org/newshour/health/tylenol-murders-1982): that changed packaging forever, just as the 9/11 attacks instituted Airport Security Theatre that's cost, literally, billions.
2. The angel didn't stop Jimmy Stewart from jumping off the bridge - quite the opposite, Clarence CAUSED Jimmy to jump "...to save ME".
I thought since you live in New York you might want to know how to respond to the question "How are you..." in Yiddish. Ess cane alez nole zahn erger. It could always be worse. It seems your heritage and mine had the same philosophy about life.
Jews had plenty of reason to be aware of Worse. We Prots of Minnesota did not. In Yiddish, it has the ring of bitter truth. Coming from me, it would be base irony.
Bob and Ray! I grew up in St Paul, just a few months behind you, laughing at some of the great comedians and comic actors of the day: George Gobel, Red Buttons, Steve Allen, Ernie Kovacs, Lucille Ball. So many. (I especially love Bob and Ray’s bit about the Slow Talkers of America.) When I first heard your morning show, I knew you’d be one of my favorites.
Gratitude is certainly the primary lubricant that smooths life out these days. But humor remains a close second. Along the way I’ve added poets to my list of essential life companions. And a wife who delights me. Actually there’s quite a lot to soothe the insults of this slow descent of aging. So gratitude indeed. And for you as well.
For goodness' sake, GK, you had the answer to the toothpaste problem years ago, but clearly you've forgotten. You once touted the virtues of Euthymol Toothpaste, which you mentioned (along with Dark Chocolate HobNobs) as the Best of Britain. I had to hunt it down on my next trip, and for several of those pre-Amazon trips, I brought home tubes of Euthymol and HobNobs in my luggage. Now a local store sells HobNobs and I buy Euthymol by the sixpack online. There is a double-ended cap on the tube that makes puncturing the seal a snap. (Although I wonder about the caution on the box: 'Keep out of reach of Children.'
Sorry, but I've forgotten Euthymol and HobNobs. Or maybe you're thinking of P.G. Wodehouse.