I love making people laugh; it’s better than pity. I’m 82, people see me shuffling down the street, they think, “O my God, someday I’ll be like that too,” so they take up elliptical machines so as to avoid my fate, a member of the generation that screwed up the country and now our kids are wondering what to do with us, if they should stick us in some Nazi nursing home or should they wax our floors and put some loose rugs around so we can trip and fall and break our necks.
Elliptical machines may age you faster. Nursing homes are full of elliptical exercisers who got distracted and twisted their backs so they can’t drink orange pop anymore because it hurts to hiccup. And you can go for years without a sip of orange pop but it’s when you can’t have any that you desperately need it. That’s just how it is.
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